Like seriously? WTF?
So my friends are idiots. As disrepectful as that is, I say it with love: idiots!
I had a friend over yesterday evening, for a few drinks. As she hopped onto my computer to check her email, she noticed a box sitting snugly under the desk in my den. The box was labelled Porn & Smut
"What the hell is this?" she shrieked.
All I could really say was that my friends are idiots. You see, on my moving day I was stuck at a distributon centre trying to pick a 37" LCD TV. Apparently distributon centres and lunch time don't go well together. I was stuck there with my moving van, waiting to pick up my new tv for an excruciatingly long time.
So long, that I almost punched out an old security guard after I freaked out on him for freaking out at me because I came back into the waiting area to get my van keys which I had forgetten in the waiting area. Him: "I said go to the loading dock..." "I just fucking forgot my keys, I'm not fucking retarded, what?" I wish he said something back... I would've punched him right through the glass -- just like in the movies.
Anyhow, by the time I returned to my place with the moving van-- where my friends had been impatiently waiting --- they had managed to break out a permanent marker and re-label everything.
I mean everything! My ironing board was labelled as a "sex swing" -- my mom even picked it up at one point. I hope to God she didn't notice the label. Ahh who am I kidding? After dealing with me for 26 years, I'm sure that sort of stuff is expected.
Fast forward to my condo. At the loading dock, we had opened the back doors of the truck. Little did I know that my friends had conveniently placed the boxes so that the "new" labels faced outwards.
So we're standing there, chatting, and along come two attractive girls. I see them checking out what's in my truck. For some odd reason I turned and looked at the contents of the truck...
Without thinking I just slammed the door -- almost taking out my friend as the door whipped -- to cover up a big box that read "Anal Beads & Plugs" -- damn! Too late. They already saw it along with the other boxes.
"Oh you guys! What am I ever going to do with you?" (said in a Mrs. Cleaver voice)
Thanks to Chris for the pictures
Above: The now infamous Porn & Smut box. Not useful for impressing hot chicks with long legs (Note: May work on hot chicks without long legs, but definitely, not hot chicks with long legs. I know this for a fact)
Above: How could I forget? My epic collection of Racist Articles. Can't live life with out those. Right? Right?
Above: And last but not least, the Penis Enlarger. Might I add, there was a matching box entitled Penis Deflator.
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