This is how we living in da citay!
So one month later, I've finally completely settled in to my new place and found some time to update my blog -- yes, on a daily basis for you OhPunk whores out there.
The view to left is a side view from my balcony over looking Mississauga's City Hall. With all the construction going on there should be about forty more 35, 45 and 50 storey buildings -- not to mention the now famous Marilyn monroe building (how cool is that, really?) -- dotting the background in no time at all.
Over the past month I've managed to get accustomed to living in a 36 storey twin-tower and decided I'd share some random experiences:
Recycling materials are only allowed to be disposed of in a service area on the first floor. Whenever I have decided to actually recycle I have been completely scrubbed out -- you know unshaved, dirty, unbrushed teeth, just rolled out of bed wearing some crummy old Dallas Cowboy 1994 Superbowl Champions type t-shirt (kinda like many of my female friend's boyfriends -- what's up with that? Yes, it's hate -- I spit venom, remember?). Anyhow, each of the two times that I've done this, HOT model type girls in bikinis have entered elevator en route to the 5th floor pool. Damn the recylcing dieities - why such punkage?
When ever I'm dressed up really nice, gayish type men seem to enter the elevator. No one told me anything about Broke Bizzle Condo!
The building still has a protective wood covering as there are still contractors workin
throughout the building. This wood covering not only makes the elevator look like a flying coffin, but seems to bring out the graffiti artist in everyone. Anyway, there's this one *bitch* who keeps writing "I LOVE YOU SNUIMGS" all over the place. Even when notices were placed in the elevator, she'd write on those. So, in typical Shaun fashion I printed up "I HATE SNUGIMS" flyers and stuck them in the elevators. I also wrote "If you hate SNUGIMS, please represent." Needless to say everyone started punking her by writing on my posters! Ahh punkage wars. I love it. Fuck that bitch, seriously.
There seem to be many doubters in my soon to be attempted feat of sling-shotting a rubber ball from my balcony across 2 boulevards, a small parking lot and 7 lanes of traffic and land it onto the roof of a 10 storey office building. You will soon be amazed by the grand talents of Shaunevil Kanevil. Don't be hating because you ain't got no skill.
Many of my engaged / have girlfriend friends have fallen into that Everyone Love's Raymond condo syndrome. You know? That epsiode when Ray visits his brother Robert in his new building and notices that all the other residents are good looking women -- and so he finds every stupid excuse to visit? Yeah. Same deal here. Voicemail from yesterday (you know who you are): "Shaun, what's up? I don't feel like hitting up my gym, can I use your gym / pool?" Hilarious. Stop using me to oogle at the girlies -- plus, I'm selfish remember?
I pay $10 a month for maintenance on my LOCKER unit. What's up with that? Seriously? It's a steal cage in one of the parking deck. What's to maintain?
There are several young people from a certain wealthy Asian region that seem to have rich parents who hook them up with $120,000 Mercedes type cars and can't drive. I'm sorry, but a $120k car with extensive damage to the side of the car because the driver couldn't back into their parking spot around a support beam just breaks my heart.
There's one hot single cougar that I run into in the elevator all time that reminds me of Stacey's mom (Rachel Hunter) *drool*
I also live on a floor with 3 single girls. Scratch that. I live on a floor with 2 decent single girls.
My friends are idiots. Last weekend, while in elevator a random girl walks in. My friend: "So, have you met Shaun? He's on the 29th floor. He's single. You should visit him some night. He'd love it." Talk about embarassing. I've seen her at the gym -- she blushes all the time -- and I have to just kinda skirt around her now. Yes, I have a high shamity rating. My shame is high!
Do not buy stainless steel appliances! They are a pain to keep clean. Hello fingerprints. You've gotta pull an OJ to keep that place looking spic and span.
I'm going to fight these two 20 year old punks that work out in the building's gym. Whenever they're there they tune all the LCD tvs in to that stupid MXC show on Spike -- you know, that stupid Japanese show that's poorly dubbed in English with some tired sexual innuendo jokes? It's soooo annoying, and the worst part is they sit there glued to the screen and work out only during commercials. And when I ask "eh, you guys watching this?" -- I always get the "Yeah" -- in their eastern european accents followed by the "What-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-this-is-the-greatest-fucking-show-on-the-planet" look. I swear I'm taking them out the next time they try that shit on me. Fuck those guys (Swearing in blogs is the new emoticon, get with it bitches.)
I live across the street from bars, restaurnts and even a HUGE mall yet I continue to drive there. What? Drive across the street to a bar that is 150 metres from the front door of my place? Yes. Yes, I drove there -- but walked home. Picked up the car the next day.
Putting an out of an out of order sign on the cardio machines I wanna use the night before would probably prevent "cardio hog" from stealing MY machines on Saturday mornings.
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