Oh Punk

Bienvenue au Montreal!

I love Montreal! Whenever I get a chance to go -- be it work or pleasure, I'm there.

I mean how could you not? A historic and beautiful city complete with great food, historic culture and beautiful (read: non-fat) women everywhere...

The best part about it all, is that I've been there so many times, I know the city inside out. So the plan for tonight was to check-in to my hotel, go shopping, grab something to eat and come home to catch LOST. Yes, lame, I know. Rather than mack some random hot American business woman downstairs in the bar, my priority was to bee-line it back to my room for 9pm EST / 8pm Central to watch a TV show... pathetic, but what do you expect?

So I checked in...

After a long day of travel and work -- I was exhausted. Not to mention, I'm a diva-of-sorts and had a huge suitcase, a heavy leather suit bag, my jacket and my laptop case. I struggled and lugged them through the narrow hallways of this little boutique-ish type hotel. I find my room, stuck my key in the door and swung the door wide open.

"KONICHIWA BITCHES!" I screamed as a random stress release.

I threw my gear on the ground, only to notice someone else's shoes already lying there. I glanced over and see a towel strewn along the floor of the bathroom. "Oh no," I thought to myself.

I looked up, and saw two TERRIFIED old people sitting on the bed. It looked as if they were screaming but nothing was coming out. They sat there shaking nervously.

"Sorry y'all -- the hotel must've made a mistake."

And that was that. Forget damage control, that's the hotel's job. I ain't no counseller. I didn't have time for that. So I just left the old people there. Went back downstairs and told the front desk what transpired. The hotel was so embarassed they set me up with a major sized suite -- a big-time free upgrades couldn't complain.

Didn't get a chance to do any shopping -- downtown stores close at 6pm between Monday and Wednesday, lame!

Wound up hitting a trendy cafe / upscale bar / deli deal. It's always fun being going to a restaurant BY YOURSELF. But hey, nothing wrong with some delicious food right?

Wrong. I decided to grab a Montreal smoked meat-sandwhich (while in Rome right?). The waiter asked me if I would like to upsize to the "Supersized" version. "Sure". It was only $4.00 more, how much bigger could it really be?

When I he came back with my plate, I was literally like "What the hell?"

I've never seen a sandwhich so big. When I asked him how I was to eat it, he responded (in a mad thick french accent): "Monsieur, I do not know. I have never eaten something so big myself. I don't think I could possibly ever finish anything with over a pound of meat in it!"

A POUND? Damn. I wound up asking for another plate and taking more than HALF of the contents out. Talk about heart attack on a plate...

Here's the picture (and that's only half of what I was served, you can't even see the other half in this shot):

There are 3 comments:

At 10:54 AM, Anonymous USELESS MAN said...

Oh.. here's the deli story. Sorry for the interruption on the next post...

Mmmmm.... meat... May I use that picture as my desk top?

At 11:48 PM, Anonymous Shaun said...

Laugh! What you want the high-res version?

But yeah, deli sandwhiches (like those pictured) own! They're delicious. Schwartzs still owns worldwide in that department though. I've yet to be proven wrong -- although those Philly street meat vendors come awfully close with those Cheesesteaks of theirs!

At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Blondie said...

EWWWWWWWWW! Never supersize a smoked meat sandwich!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHA, it's disgusting!


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