Oh Punk

Air travel in times of Terror (and Fat)

Leaving a land of gorgeous blonde girls is never ever fun, especially during times of terror!

With the recent threats of liquid bombs by legions of moronic Islamic Jihad fanatics, airport security was on steroids this week -- BALCO is in the house. On Trans-Altlantic flights, there was even a list of banned items ranging from liquids and water bottes to car-key-remote controls and cell phones. Additionally carry-on bags were limited to clear plastic bags.

Being darker I figured I'd be a target at all 8 security check-points that I passed, but not once was I racially profiled *sigh* Because of that, I was forced to wait in long security lines like everyone else -- frustrating. The customs agent in Canada didn't even look at my ID once -- what the hell?

The only place where I was stopped was in Philadelphia after going through US customs, a group of Philly cops were doing their own random (read: profiling) screening and one Hispanic cop asked me what I was going ot being doing in Philadelphia. I didn't even look at him and dropped a "What on earth would **I** do in a hole like Philadelphia? I have a real job. Does it look like I want to be mugged? I'm only changing planes here, and not by choice either." (Even though, I love Philly Cheesesteaks and stopped in Philly just for Cheesesteak, I had to front).

Anyway, he wasn't expecting that answer and was like "Oh you're from Canada. Go on." and then he tried to drop this "What's with the hologram?" punkage with regards to the sticker on the bottom of Yankees cap -- it's this thing 13 year olds do, but I think it's cool -- I didn't even give him answer and walked right by.

Now the security policies didn't bother me at all -- even the Philadelphia Police paranoia, the should be more worried about people shooting your ass for not being black in the wrong neck of town. But the security is a a good thing. I didn't even think anything about any of this until I jumped on my connection flight to Bufallo (*shudder*) and this whale of a woman spent a few moments trying to fit her wideload into the seat beside me.

It made me think: The real problem on American flights is not the war on terrorism -- it's the war on insanely fat people. I was stuck on a tiny jet plane beside someone who obviously requires TWO seats.

How can you force someone to sit beside them?

Come on TSA, where you at now? Sure your asses are busy stopping Al Qaeda scum, but think about it. If the them Qaeda's blow up my plane I'm gonna probably die instantly from the explosion or pass out when my body is flung from my seat and hits some rigid object and/or exposed to bitter cold 30,000 ft above the ground temperatures. Either or, I'm dying rather quickly.

This is not the case when I'm slowly being suffocated by someone who's body is coming up over the seat divider and squishing me so much that I'm forced to press up against the window for traces of hair. My hand touched her thigh by accident and it started getting sucked in, like in cartoons.

I freaked. If the plane emergency lands and I need to make a run for it, forget it. I'm toast. Ahh toast and bacon, a match made in heaven.

I actually made the lady struggle out of her seat, so I could run back up to the front of the plane and mentioned this in private to the male flight attendant before take off. He was not impressed. He rolled his eyes. WTF? This is genuine concern.

We need to set a war on obesity. A ticket war. Buy two tickets if your ass wants to fly.

Anyhow, to cleanse my pallette here are the Sunblock girls, again:


There are 7 comments:

At 1:25 PM, Anonymous R2K said...

I have to fly today... it sucks.

At 4:21 PM, Anonymous Shaun said...

Oh man! Make sure you don't have anything crazy on hand. They're pretty strict in all countries.

Check anything that you don't to lose!

At 4:56 PM, Anonymous e-Karl said...

You should have Made a run for the gates... then you would have been OWNED!

At 5:17 PM, Anonymous Shaun said...

Laugh. I would've been tackled for sure! And then when I do get up and be like "Due, you just got punked"

Ashton Kutcher would show up and we'd all have a good laugh!

At 1:40 AM, Anonymous THS said...

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

At 9:34 AM, Anonymous Blondie said...

Explain the hologram thing.

At 2:54 PM, Anonymous Shaun said...

Ohhh.. the hologram. You know when you buy a brand new licencsed sports geart product just as an NFL Jersey, or Major League Baseball cap -- there's this holographic sticker attached to prove it's authenticity.

Well on caps, they place a hologram sticker on the underside of the beak. It's quite visible as the underside of the beak is usually dark, and the hologram is this silverish reflecting thing.

Kids keep the hologram on because it's "cool" -- and I agree! It's awesome -- I've done it with two of my caps...

And I think I'll keep doing it! :)


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