Oh Punk

Shea, Shea the Cancerous Jay!

Note: My fight story is at the end of this post.

What'd I do last night? I caught a Oakland A's vs. Toronto Bluejays baseball game! Nothing better than kicking back and watching my Oakland A's beat up (6-0) on the hometown favourite: Toronto -- I love it.
Thanks to my friend Greg -- and his season tickets -- we were sitting front row on the third base line, what an awesome view! Sadly, not a single foul ball came our way; not even one! So much for snagging a foul grounder with my baseball glove, and then showing it off in front of some ultra-envious 12 year old. "Hey look what I caught and you didn't. Sucks to be 12 eh?"

I actually would've given the kid the ball though. I'm not that mean. Luckily for the 12 year olds in our section, they were treated with a mini-surprise. The security guard who sat on the field behind the fence where we were, would walk up and down the fence passing out Toronto Bluejay baseball cards to the youths between innings. It was such a nice gesture! It's nice to see genuinely nice people out there -- what a stand up guy!

When I jokingly asked for one, he laughed and said "You're too old..." but then looked back down at his deck of baseball cards and pulled out a Shea Hillenbrand card. For those of you not in the know, Shea Hillenbrand was the resident trouble maker in the Toronto Bluejay organization, once described as the "Cancer of the Bluejays."

The local media seemed to love to hate him, especially after his much publicized temper tantrums whenever he was not given enough playing time. His most recent outburst involved him writing "This ship is sinking" on the team's white board and was challenged to a fight in front of the entire team by his own coach (who actually was ironically punched in the face by another player two nights ago!). Needless to say, Shea was traded.

So I took the card.

"I can't be giving this guy's card out to kids! Why don't you make a board full of Shea's and place him at every position!"

By the end of the night the security guard had given me 9 Shea Hillenbrand (and one crappy Russ Adams card -- Russ who? Exactly!!) cards for me to put up in my office. What a great idea!

That's what I'm going to do this week -- and of course, I'll take a picture of the final product and send him a few copies. Apparently he's going to go throw it in the Jay's clubhouse (that's why I blocked his face in the top picture!). Ohhh that would be hilarious!

On a more disturbing note, like Shea Hillenbrand I seem to cause trouble wherever I go.

While leaving the Rogers Centre, Greg had to pitstop into the washroom to wash his hands. I agreed to wait by the exit.

Some short loser in an ugly suit winged by two acquintances stops infront of me and says: "So how do you like your bandwagon New York Yankees shirt?" (in reference to the Yankees Jersey that I was sporting)

I instantly looked back and said: "Not as much as I love your CHEAP suit!"

Him: "What?"

Me: "What are you gonna do? Come here, I'll kill you..." (I said as I took a step forward)

It was completely outrageous as I was very convincing (even though I had no intents on following through). I noticed two teenagers who witnessed the entire chain of events. Their eyes popped out of their sockets while their jaws dropped. That side reaction alone was worth all the chaos!

Cheap Suit was taken a back by the comment, and didn't know what to do -- he may have been intoxicated. It was hilarious, although I'm glad Cheap Suit's friends were genuinely frightened and repeatedly apologized profusely. Relax losers, why would I get into a brawl in a place crawling with police? Come on, use your heads!

Ahhhh maturity...

Note to other guys : Thick thick foam shoulder pads are NOT in style. Also, unless you are a scarecrow, orange and bright red are NOT matching colours for ties and shirts.

Above: 9 Shea cards, laugh!

Above: Thanks to the roof being closed, rain didn't spoil this great game!


There are 7 comments:

At 7:37 AM, Anonymous Chin said...


At 7:39 AM, Anonymous Shaun said...

.. but true!!!!

At 5:55 PM, Anonymous Eric Bauman said...

Hi you frikkin lesbian! I just want you to know that you are the most homosexual person I have ever met! And I've met Richard Simmons! GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!

At 6:18 PM, Anonymous Shaun said...

Laugh! That's awesome!

So what were you doing with Richard Simmons? eh?

At 9:41 PM, Anonymous Blondie said...

Was his suit equipped with capris?

At 10:32 PM, Anonymous ched said...

sweet story.

At 11:38 AM, Anonymous FRQSTR=19094177x248188:1:10080|19094177|19094177|19094177|19094177 said...

Thanks Ched!

As for Capris... Blondie, you love those eh? Shpants or whatever people call them. Those are soooo gay (at least for guys) -- but nah -- he didn't have those. If he did, I certainly would've knocked him on that. Just an ugly suit with big shoulder pads.... blah!



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