... from my cold dead hands!
While I was enjoying my routine Thursday afternoon massage, I couldn't stop thinking about how hungry I was. This whole workout-twice-a-day thing has been doing a real number on my metabolism. It's as if I'm 17 all over again!
The moment my massage ended -- unhappily of course (it wasn't one of THOSE massages you sickos) -- I bolted to the neighbouring Japanese restaurant and ordered an assortment of sushi rolls.
Excited about my delicious food, I darted to my car. I was in such haste, my dangling keys carelessly banged against the driverside door of a parked car. BANG!
Before I could even stop and inspect for any damage, I heard: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
In the passenger seat sat a stocky, shaved headed, Portuguese punk (I knew he was Portuguese because his car was covered in Azores and Portugal paraphanalia, *rolls eyes*, loser)
He poked his thick head out the window of his pride and joy -- a repainted 1994 Honda Civic hatchback, polished with a set of rims that he's probably still paying for -- "YOU BETTER NOT HAVE SCRATCHED THIS MAN..."
My eyes locked on to his door. No scratches anywhere, I wasn't in a mood to fight anyone. I discreetly slipped my keys into my pocket.
What the fuck? The guy touched my hand bone and believed that it was metal? It's only cold, because it's cold outside fucker -- what a loser.
Me: "Sorry man, I just had major mandible surgery and my hand twitched involuntarily. Don't worry, your car isn't stratched. It looks okay, take a look.."
Guy: "What? I heard a scrath noise," he said while inspecting for damage.
Me: "Yeah. That was my hand -- it's metal. I mean it looks real, but it's not. I lost my hand in a train accident and I replaced it with a robotic one," I said while showing my hand.
Guy: "For real?"
Me: "Yeah man. They finally put real skin over robot parts, but you can still tell under certain lights. Anyway, it's been acting up, so I have to get it checked out. Sorry about hitting your car, I didn't mean it..."
Guy: "ARE YOU SERIOUS??? It looks so real!"
He's super shocked at this point!
Me: "Of course! I was worried people would be able to tell it's fake..." - I again showed him my hand while making the fingers move very slowly -- "Touch my hand right there that's actually Titanium," I said while pointing to a bone.
He reluctantly pressed against my hand bone with his finger.
Guy: "Yo, that's fucked! It's cold like metal. I only thought this stuff was in the movies!"
I spent the next minute or so telling him about some other non-existent cyborg technology that I saw while at the lab. This stuff was all still highly experimental. *laugh*
What made this extordinairily awesome was the fact that this guy was just eating this stuff up -- and I was keeping a straight face.
Ahhh uneducated people, it's fun playing with their minds.
The best part of this exercise is that I told him he could see all of the cyborg technology online at the company's website. Just do a good search for Cyberdyne Systems, which of course leads you to Wikipedia's definition:
As depicted in the film The Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Cyberdyne is initially a benign manufacturing corporation in Los Angeles, California. After a T-800 series Terminator, Cyberdyne Systems Model 101— a cyborg from the future, designed to kill humans — is crushed in one of the company's hydraulic presses, the company secretly begins manufacturing technological devices based on reverse engineering the Terminator's remains.
I hope his stupid ass looks this up, should be so awesome!
Tags: hand surgery robotic hand cyberdyne systems terminator 2 arnold keyed honda civic
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