Pet Peeves: Fire Alarms and Flamers..
First of all, I want to wake up to this, not this:
There is NOTHING more annyoing than that! Even Mrs. Swan ain't got nothing this. Damn. After waking up to that code red, I was bitter. Bitter like chewing on a rubber band bitter!
But as fate would have it, my friend Bif was in the neighbourhood, and we decided to go to our local lunch spot -- I wake up late, what do you want? -- and harass the waitresses.
It wasn't long until he showed up at my condo, and buzzed me from the lobby. I buzzed him in, and quickly ran out into the hall way outside my unit. I crouched around a corner and waited patiently.
As soon as the elevator door opened and he made the turn towards my door, I was going to jump out from behind the corner and scare his ass dead. It would be payback from the time I was at my friend Fever's place, and Bif threw on a Mexican wrestling mask, grabbed a samurai sword and ran around the house wielding the blade! Those fuckers laughed at my reaction for days (they sill do).
Today, payback would be mine.
So the elevator door opened. I heard a couple a footsteps and BAM! I jumped out.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed.
In front of me did not stand Bif. It was the flamer from my floor. He was clutching his chest going "Oh my God, Oh my God..."
This was the same princess motherfucker who approached me just a few days earlier when I was decked out in my gym clothes. "Ohh, you live on my floor too?" -- "Ohh you work out? We should go swimming together!"
What the fuck?
"We should go swimming together?" -- no fucking thank you. I'll pass, as in fail.
The funnier part when he was like "I haven't seen you around, are you new to the floor? I know everyone! Just never met you!"
Me: "Nah man. I moved in March. Got my self into a little trouble, so I had to serve some time?"
Flamer: "Serve time in jail?"
Me: "Yeah man. My boy was in a brawl at a bar. He was getting beat good. I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed a pen and stabbed the guy beating him. I've been I served four months... I just got out, but I have a feeling I'm gonna be back there in no time."
Anyway after my jail story and jumping around screaming incidents, I'm sure he'll never invite my ass swimming again. After catching his breath and me apologizing a few times, he was really scared, and scurried away. It was actually funny...
But forget that guy, where was Bif?
He calls just seconds later, "Hey, what floor are you on again?"
So again, I went back to my hiding spot. Again, I patiently waited for the elevator doors to open. The open. He steps out. He makes the turn towards my apartment. I jump out!
Bif looks at me blankly and says: "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Tags: fire alarm mexican wrestling mexican wrestling mask samurai sword mrs swan gay neighbour footsteps serve time prank scare annoying
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