This past weekend was very eventful. I hit up a a few parties, included my friend's stag that was held in my condo's party room.
Needless to say there were several antics. Here are my favourites...
We ran into one very cool guy who we always see at a bunch of parties. He had a very heavy eastern-european accent.
As conversation flowed, we learned that he was an avid snow boarder. What was shocking was when he broke this out on us: "Me and my gayfriend spend the weekend snowboarding quite often!" WTF?!
Turned out he was saying GIRLfriend. Big difference.
Someone else drank a bit too much, thus requiring two of us to take him home early. We each took an arm and walked him back to his place.
It wasn't long until he virtually passed out, so we were essentially dragging him a la Weekend at Bernie's style. "Come on Bernie, just a few more steps..."
After a brutally cold walk, we finally got into his condo. We had to pass an open lounge before getting into his unit. Some adults must have been throwing a dinner party upstairs because in the lounge sat several youths aged 11 to 15 sitting.
They were all laughing, joking, playing cards -- that is until they looked up and saw us.
I'll never forget their look of horror. Their faces were pale as we struggled along. I tried to not make eye contact and continued walking. They stared in silence.
A few paces past the children, appeared an older woman. Again, she looked on in horror. I looked at her smiled, and gave her the obligatory "Good evening, how are you?" in a chipper voice as we plowed along. Hilarious -- ahhh Weekend at Bernies...
... and how could I forget? There was that grand incident involving a security team, fights, calls to the police, black eyes, people calling their gangster aquintances with guns and so on. That was interesting -- but thankfully everything turned out perfect (possibly because some one kept feeding the security detail beer, while they were on duty!)
I thought I was out of the woods come Sunday morning, but I received a call from the security desk at my building. The poor older man, Bert, who was manning the desk says "Shaun, can you come down..." before he could finish, I could here a man in the background yelling at him. "I don't fucking care who he is, I want to talk to the guy who was hosting the part last night, right now! I want fucking answers..."
At this point I was already across the street at the mall, but it sounded like there was serious trouble so I had told the security guard that I would come back. And that I did. I jumped into my car and drove across the street. Before exiting my car I grabbed my club, and marched right into the lobby -- who knew who this guy was, and more importantly why did he need to talk to me so badly?
There before the security desk stood a nerd like character, complete with an ugly wool coat, and trendy hipster glasses.
I looked behind the desk and said "What's up Bert? What's the problem here."
Bert, pointed to the nerd, who no longer was yelling. He seemed to be fixated on my club. I pseudo-pointed it at him and said "What's up? What was so important that I had to come back?"
He paused. He reluctantly but calmly said "Well, someone from your party tried to pick up my girlfriend..."
"What the fuck? What do you want me to do about it?"
The conversation went on, but quickly ended with this loser saying "Sorry" -- it was great. Are people that insecure? And why take out your insecurities on a poor old security man. What a loser -- I think I'm going to try macking his girl if I ever see her around the building (I don't even know what she looks like.. but when I do, hello!)
And that was that...
Tags: stag party fights security weekend at bernies drunk passed out
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