ohpunk.com

Late Night, Hot, Hot, Action!

2011-01-05T20:00:00.008-05:00

Check out this BBM conversation:

Yeah, that's right, I'm the man.

Alright. Yeah, well. Uhhh. Okay. So no. This isn't what it seems like. This is really a text from my buddy -- who is a guy -- and no -- I DO NOT play for that team, but I played on his team.

Confused? We were talking about playing Starcraft 2.

I know, I know. How lame. Back in 2006 this text would've been from miscellaneous 23 year old bimbo, and the only point-and-clicking would be ...

... but, how can you hate on a game who's fans make professional Justin Bieber paraodies!? I wanna be the guy who shows up in the Lambo:

If you don't know what a Baneling is, GFY.

Online Dating for Dummies

2011-01-04T16:05:00.000-05:00

With a busy, busy schedule I have been scoping out the online dating scene. You have to love the the quality -- made in China quality -- of some of these women.

For instance, take a look at her tagline:

She's smrt, so be affraid, be very affraid.

I have VERY little hope for this site...

Waffles, breakfast of champions!

2011-01-03T23:49:00.008-05:00

I had some pretty stellar tickets to tonight's vs Boston Bruins hockey game Boston Bruins vs Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game at the Air Canada Centre.

In typical fashion, the Leafs lost. Surprise, surprise.

Personally? I don't care. In my bubble world, hockey is almost a figment of my imagination -- but -- the die hard fans, they're hurting. Look at them, it has come to this (video of pic below):

The fans are so angry at Leafs General Manager, Brian Burke, that they're throwing waffles onto the ice.

Why? Because the Leafs had to rebuild the entire team and instead they traded away draft picks and prospects for slacker players. They went for a quick fix, kinda how an Eggo Waffle is compared to a full healthy breakfast.

Anyway, with that said, hilarity has ensued. There are waffles and wafflers everywhere:

There's even a Twitter feed by the EGGO BOMBER. For real? I might just start watching hockey to get in on this. It's great. Even the players are even upset:

If you're going to rank 29th place out of 30 teams, you better learn to live with this ridicule. What a bunch of babies.

Speaking of babies I cried myself last night. Take a look at the winning 50/50 draw ticket for $6,400 cash:

... and now, take a look at my ticket:

Off by two numbers! If I bought my tickets 30 seconds later. The horror. The heartache! So much for that $6,000 jacket I've been eyeing.

FML, or as Leafnation would say FTML. *insert fog horn sound*

Miami to Ibiza, let's burn that place down!

2011-01-02T15:15:00.000-05:00

I was flipping through YouTube and noticed that The Swedish House Mafia has a music video called Miami to Ibiza. It idolizes the lifestyle of those locales.

I had the fortune of actually going to Miami and Ibiza this past year. And yes, Miami (some of it) is definitely a star studded, glamorous strip with great restaurants and beautiful beaches...

But, what's the deal with Ibiza? I mean from the postcards and Venga Boy propaganda it seems like a Mediterranean paradise...

... up close, it's nothing like the above picture. The beaches aren't pretty; they're course, filthy and littered with sea plants & cigarette butts!

The hotels are archaic, the streets smell like vomit & urine, and it felt like I went back in time by 30 years. The clubs are weak and the island is pretty much poverty stricken.

I should've known the island sucked when our airpor cab was doing her nails while driving. Fock!

If you're from a small Bratislavan town, maybe the trashy disco-tech appeal is the greatest thing since voting, but for me, you'll NEVER catch me there again.

Do Vegas. Do Miami. Do a winery tour in Kazakhstan!

Just don't go to Ibiza,

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T13:41:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year britches!

In order to distract you from the fact that I have not blogged in 1.5 years here's a pretty cool select compilation of my 2010 Facebook statuses:

Awesome? Yes. Build your own at My Year in Status

G.I Nooooooooooo!

2009-08-22T13:49:00.007-04:00

I've seen some pretty bad movies, but GI Joe takes the cake.

Even though my ticket was paid for -- with two slices of pizza, popcorn, nachos and two drinks at a theatre across the street from my condo -- when the credits rolled, I *STILL* felt ripped off.

GI Joe was complete with terrible acting, an equally awful storyline, and clearly green-screened sets; not to mention CG worse than Dune 2!!!

If it weren't for Sienna Miller (I love her) and Rachel Nichols (I also love her) this movie would score a 0 out of 10. Instead it receives a 0.5 out of 10. Good work ladies, good work!

Here is a list of things I'd rather do than watch GI Joe again:

- Praying the rosary... all mysteries... while kneeling... on rice...
- Volunteering with H1N1 infected lepers in Mexico City
- Having lunch with Ben Stein
- Eating hardcore Indian food in my new car with the windows rolled up
- Shot gunning cans of Vienna sausages and chasing with warm cans of Red Bull

Above: Sienna Miller. "Hola Senorita!!!"

Tags: gi joe rise of the cobra movie sienna miller rachel nichols

Do I look Korean to you?

2009-08-18T17:53:00.006-04:00

On Sunday, Y E Yang came from behind to beat Tiger Woods for the 2009 PGA Championship. Coincidentally, a couple of the guys and I hit the local driving range.

We step into the proshop, and an older gentleman behind the counter points to my Philipino friend: "You, you're Korean! You guys won today!"

Chin: "Nah, I'm not Korean?"
Old man: "You're not Korean? You're not Korean? What are you?"
Chin: "I'm Philipino"
Old man: "What's the difference? You people won!"

Maybe I'm a jerk, but I found that hilarious. Remind's me of Chappelle's bit on Do I look Chinese?

What wasn't hilarious was Chin's intentional lack of taping my Ryan Howard golf swing:

Tags: andy bathgate driving range golf 2009 pga championship y e yang tiger woods racism philipino korean

From Dusk 'til Dawn

2009-08-17T23:59:00.004-04:00

There aren't many Saturday nights that I find myself at home alone. This past Saturday was no different. The options? Dinner with a smoking hot model-type girl and/or hitting a trendy downtown lounge with friends.

After getting dressed sooner than expected, I found myself with an hour to kill. It was the perfect time to test out my new super computer!

I recently moved from a Mesozoic Era Pentium 4 to an 8 GB Quad Core system complete with SLI'd video cards. Overkill for e-mail, Facebook and YouTube -- however, not all was a waste -- I did by a game, Red Alert 3:

I have been a huge RTS gamer since a bunch of Russian mobsters intro'd me to Red Alert back in 1997, although I haven't put in any serious gaming hours since 2003. Why?

When I play RTS games, I get completely immersed.

Nothing else matters. Not even my GGR636 exam. Yeah, that's right -- I skipped the exam to defend the Western Hemisphere from commie bastards. What's wrong with that? Nothing according to $45 and a medical certificate signed by my doctor. Plus it was an elective, and only Geography. Who majors in Geography? Really?

But that was then and this is now. The difference between 2003 and 2009 is that I'm 30 years old. I am officially an adult. I have will power.

I installed the game at 9pm and gave myself a time limit of forty-five minutes. And that's what I did.

WOW is all I can say! Games have come a LONG way from where they were in 2003. The shading, the special effects, and the explosions. I was literally blown away!

Time ran out quickly and it was time to meet up with my friend for dinner. I shut down my PC, and left my den to grab my phone...

... before I even made it to my phone, it hit me: Sunlight.

The forty-five minutes that I spent playing was actually 9.5 hours!!!

And the worst part? My cell was on silent so I had SEVERAL missed calls. Ugh! I've never gone a gaming rampage like this. Now I know how kids in Asia keep dying from lack of sleep due to RTS games.

Not all was lost though. At least the Emperor's Floating Battle fortress was mucled by my relentless fleet of Vindicators. Kane, I'm coming for you next.

Tags: timewarp red alert 3 command and conquer 4 starcraft death time loss

District 9

2009-08-16T23:45:00.005-04:00

Saw District 9 tonight. It was unlike *anything* that I have ever seen before! Incredible.

... go to the theatre, pay and watch this. It won't disappoint!

Tags: district 9 review awesome

Stalkerific!

2009-03-27T22:22:00.003-04:00

Was on MSN earlier tonight. This convo made me laugh:

Tags: msn msn messenger instant message conversation funny stalker stalk

Jumping, jumping...

2009-03-23T20:08:00.005-04:00

Aren't jumping pictures fun?

Found this picture over the weekend. Needless to say it was taken by Reflecting Pool in Washington DC. Former president G-Dubb was surely rolling in his tomb.

Lincoln? He was probably thinking that Lex always gets great hang time. Chin is showing off his belly. I'm uselessly flapping my wings, while Air Jordan is simply Air Jordan. Ahhh, good old Linky.

Speaking of monument desecration, this picture reminds me of this picture. Geez, I can't take these guys ANYWHERE.

Anyhow, karma has attacked. I'm dying from a migraine. Back to bed for me! Love me or hate me, send me an email.

Tags: air jordan jumping jumping picture washington washington DC obama basketball reflecting pool washington monument lincoln memorial funny

Human Ring Toss

2009-03-22T11:53:00.005-04:00

Ever run into a girl wearing a tiara with a rubber penis stuck to it? I did, last night.

She was like a sex toy unicorn princess. Thankfully -- for her -- it was her bachelorette party. Her friends forced her into wearing the hideous headpiece.

While most of the bar's male dirtbag clientelle made crued and generally "stupid-guy" comments, I used my charm. Moments later, voila.

I had magically acquired glow-in-the-dark-bracelets and had the girl on her knees. She had become a human ring toss game. See video:

It's a shame I didn't have my real camera with me. Oh well, you get the point. I'm a jerk.

Tags: stagette bachelor wedding bachelorette party ring toss human glow in the dark bracelets unicorn rubber penis dildo funny video

Refuse to lose...

2009-03-21T11:05:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's March 21st -- however -- the Christmas lights will stay up and stay on. They have been running straight since November 2008.

Out of four segments of lights, the above is the only set that still illuminates. Conserve energy? Uhhh, no.

Tags: energy conservation save energy march christmas lights power conservation energy

Soulja Boy's number?

2009-03-17T00:51:00.002-04:00

In Soulja Boy's new song, Kiss me through the Phone, he tells his girl to call him at six-seven-eight-triple-nine-eight-two-one-two.

The song is super catchy and has seen heavy rotation in RSXXXY. Needless to say, 678-999-8212 has engraved in my mind. Could it really Soulja Boy's number? Hmmm.

I did some research and the area code 678 is a real area code assigned to Atlanta and suburbs. Ironically DeAndre Ramone Way (aka Soulja Boy Tell 'Em) is from ATL.

Coincidence? I think not.

I had to find out.

So I called...

... words cannot explain how stupid I felt, when some random answered the phone "No, I am not Soulja Boy!"

Now you know why movies use the 555 prefix in numbers shown on-screen. Otherwise, you'd have thousands of idiots (including myself) writing down numbers, going home and dialing:

"Hi can I speak to Indiana Jones?"

At least I'm not the only one. I took great consolation in the these Yahoo! Answer questions.

Ugh, terrible...

Tags: soulja boy tell em soulja boy soulja boy phone number number 678-999-8212 kiss me through the phone video song yahoo answers

Lending a helping hand...

2009-03-16T00:04:00.002-04:00

Never call me for help, especially if your name is Ruby and your car happened to die across the street from my place, as in I can see you from my balcony!

If so, you will become a video blog entry...

Tags: boost battery jumper cable ruby honda video balcony car dead

Questions from the Mailbag

2009-03-14T13:11:00.004-04:00

Q: Why haven't you updated your blog in over a month?

A: I've been busy.

Tags: busy question answer mailbag baseball bat

Big Ballin' Sub

2009-02-02T12:04:00.006-05:00

Visiting Subway restaurants can be problematic. I always encounter dilemmas such as "Which sub should I get?" or "What type of bread would be best for this sub?"

When it comes to Subway, I have 99 problems, but their products being inexpensive for me ain't one"

A while back, we were heading home from a nightclub. We pit-stopped into a sandwich shop, surveyed the menu and ordered. I was up first. I whipped out my wallet and paid for the driver and myself. Two large subs, two drinks, $16.

"Can I help you?" the sandwich maker asks the third and last in our group.

His focus shifts from the menu and onto the sandwich artist in disgust. "Yes, but none of these subs fit my **ballin'** taste."

"Excuse me?"

"I need something classier. Something your menu doesn't have. Can we make something custom?"

"Yes, but I'll charge you extra."

"No problem, I'm **ballin'**, I can afford anything here."

NEVER, EVER tell a storekeeper you're ballin'. That's like writing a blank cheque. One sandwich later, no drink, $18. He ordered an extra slice of cheese and it brought the total to $20. Long live the Big Ballin' Sub!

FOOLISH.

Tags: subway mr sub sandwich custom ballin balling rich wealthy foolish club drunk

Delayed Reaction: Bad Santa 2008

2009-01-31T16:19:00.007-05:00

Thanks to everyone's wacky travel schedule, my friends and I are having our annual Christmas party tonight, January 31, thirty seven days after schedule.

Should be an evening of food, drinks and good times... but we know what we're all looking forward too. The annual Bad Santa game!

The present that I'm bringing is absolutely stellar. Can't tell you what it is, but here is a clue:

For those of you who are unfamiliar with our little game, the rules to the game are pretty simple. As described in a post from a few years back:

Everyone brings a present to the party, their names are thrown into a hat and drawn for order of selection.

The first person selected picks a gift (except their own) from a pool of presents and unwraps.

The second (and subsequent) person can either select a new wrapped gift from the remaining pool or steal any previous person's gift. Should they choose to steal a gift, the victim of the stealing gets to choose a new wrapped gift from the remaining present pool.

This continues until every participant has opened a gift!

Since the first person never had an opportunity to steal gifts, they are now given the opportunity to keep their gift (which probably has been stolen and swapped with something lame) or steal any one of the particpant's gifts.

In 2008 we will continue with our veto rule. If you bring a present to the pool, and it sucks, it can be "veto'd."

Let's say you contribute an MP3 player. Should they be cheated by the appeal value of your gift, whoever opens it has the right to call a vote in which people will determine wether or not your gift is crappy.

If it is, the gift you selected (or future pick) from the pool goes to the person who chose yours, you get get your shitty gift back, and you have to get the F-out. Simple.

Thanks to rules like this, the prizes get better year after year. In 2007 I scored a Logitech Harmony. A Nintendo DS Lite in 2006. You get the point. We figure that by the time 2020 comes around someone will be giving away a car: "Hey look, I got a 2020 Hyundai Accent."

Come strong, or don't come at all.

I'm also looking forward to the annual punkie awards. There aren't many categories up for grabs in 2008, but they're always a laugh.

Does anyone remember the "Talib Kweli Home Cleaning Gift Certificate" that was awarded to the messiest bachelor pad? The videos are just classic.

Good times! Here's hoping I don't win another stupid Chinese Fortune Cat.

Tags: secret santa bad santa christmas gifts presents nintendo ds christmas party party ideas antics pranks talib kweli hyundai accent

Put your hands up for Detroit...

2009-01-30T18:39:00.001-05:00

This past weekend me zoomed down to Detroit for our annual trip to the North American International Auto Show.

Despite the economic downturn, the show was great.

GM, Honda and Toyota showcased the latest in hybrid technologies, while the rest scrambled to keep pace. Stages through the COBO Center were packed with hot technology, hot cars and what seemed to be a neverending stream of hot women: The new Allante -- I love Kelly Bundy.

Unlike last year, I wasn't quite the photowhore. Here are a few pictures of our adventures:

Above: Scion's display of customizable cars! Awesome.

Above: *Drool* Audi's R8

Above: Lambo heaven. I didn't even notice the models prancing around giving out misc PR garbage. What a hot bunch of cars. I so need to get a better paying job...

Above: GM's World Headquarters, the REN CEN. Too bad the resto -- Coach Insignia -- on the 71st floor was closed. Thank God for Tunnel BBQ.

Above: Is it me, or does downtown Detroit remind you of I am Legend? The sun was setting so we had to get the *F* out.

Above: Speaking of "I am Legend" we managed to get some time in the "hood." Good times. And yes, that first building really was an abandoned police station! POLICE STATION!

Tags: detroit autoshow NAIAS North American International Auto Show highland park michigan kelly bundy bundy bounce officer of the month antics ghetto hood ren cen lamborghini scion audi r8 cadillac converj

Speaking of Vegas...

2009-01-25T23:19:00.003-05:00

While organizing, I found this *OLD* video clip from Vegas in 2003:

So many things contribute to this video being funny:

the laundry lady with more towels for "my" shower
the infamous paper bag mask
Me being grossly overweight!!!
Alexis and his chains / cell phone belt clip
Mariah Carey's "Love Takes Time" on shuffle in the background
Chin laughing
the bum shake
the double barrel fist pointing thing
we were staying in the EXCALIBUR (*OMG* we were uber poor students back then... nowadays, I'd pick "murder" over staying at the EX, as in "getting murdered" -- and, for you psycho murderer readers, I was being sarcastic. Relax. )

Ahhh good times!

Tags: las vegas vegas excalibur oldschool old school jump stunt event funny mariah carey mask laundry video

Don't be a Vegas Virgin...

2009-01-24T08:08:00.000-05:00

Over the past month I've run into several Vegas Virgins. They always ask the same questions: "What are the best clubs to go to? Best casino? Any wicked restaurants?" Ugh. Why are people so closed minded. You can pretty much do *anything* in Vegas. Why waste your time eating?

Here are three of my Vegas favs courtesy of my home video footage.

1. The INSANITY ride on top of the Stratosphere -- you dangle 1000 feet above the ground

2. Riding around in IndyCars on the Las Vegas Motorspeedway

3. Learning how to effectively handle machine guns

So next time you're out in Paradise, NV -- do something different. If you live a boring life, I feel sorry for you son, I have one problem and being ain't the one...

Tags: las vegas nevada vegas paradise casino gambling racecar racing LVMS las vegas motorspeedway the gunstore discount firearms andretti gordon race school racing school indy car nascar shoot guns

What are the odds?

2009-01-23T20:32:00.006-05:00

The other day the following Facebook Status convo went down between my friend Liz and I:

Today, one day later, I get home from work. I pull into the underground. I use my remote to open the garage door. It violently ceases halfway up it's ascent. Frig! I get out. Push, push, push. No luck.

A few moments pass and a small group of business professionals gather infront of my condo's underground entrance. The garage door remains suspended a few feet above ground.

It will be at least an hour before we can get our cars into the underground. The ground is wet. It's cold. Three gents and I decide to be real men and wrestle with the behemoth door. Minutes later, it slowly recedes upward.

Nice.

Actually no. During the process of this aggravating manual labour I manged to get salt, mud and winter sludge all over my hands, face, jeans and jacket (Ugh! My poor jacket! Thank God it wasn't one of the A-listers.)

"No big deal," I think to myself. "I'll shower and get the jacket to the dry cleaners in the AM."

WRONG!!!

I jump in the elevator. It skips the other parking deck, but stops randomly on the sixth. In walk FOUR gorgeous women.

*** Are you kidding me? ***

Normally I'm dressed fairly well. I can drop some witty comment, and charm my way into conversation -- but -- all I run into are couples, old men and attached women (Stop talking to me. I got enough friends... Yo, if you're a pretty girl and I see a ring on your finger and I don't know you, I ain't even holding the door for you so don't even look for help with heavy boxes)

Anyhow, how is that the one-day that I look like I'm a avian survivor from the Exxon Valdez, FOUR Victoria Secrets super models jump on board! WTH?

Damn you karma, what gives?

Tags: victoria\\\'s secret models elevator stuck mud sludge winter karma salt manual labor community help

A little manners goes a long way...

2009-01-19T19:23:00.003-05:00

What ever happened to manners? As a child I was taught that when a person is blocking your path you either move around them, or politely ask them to let you through. Is that so difficult? Apparently.

Today -- during our regular lunch-hour shawarma run to Osmow's Grill -- something ridiculous occurred. After picking up our lunch, my friend GP and I were walking back to my car. Suddenly GP gets pushed aside. Out of nowhere appears a trailer park gangsta (TPG) who zooms by shoving GP while muttering "F*cking move buddy!"

How random and rude and wrong is that? I start mocking the TPG, "Hey you loser ..." and what not. He turns around and gives us this F-you, come get me look. Are you kidding me? You're calling me out? You're like 18. You're dressed like a wanksta. Do you really wanna get taken out by two guys in wool dress jackets? (Harry Rosen would be proud)

Anyhow, I decided to let it slip, but I just couldn't. I could feel it starting to fester and brew. By the time I got to my car there was steam billowing from my ears. I was fuming. The TPG was already way down the street, but that didn't matter, we hunted him down! The results:

.. and FYI, the waterbottle (half-filled and completly frozen) hit the target!

Tags: wanksta drive by water bottle attack manners polite punks self defense

You know what sucks?

2009-01-19T19:06:00.002-05:00

Running out of washer fluid during the midst of a Canadian winter. With all the dry salt getting stuck to my windshield, you couldn't even tell that it was a bright day out there!

If you think that's bad, try driving my car at night. Three of the four headlights have all recently burnt out. Nice!

Tags: windshield washer fluid dirty blurred cloudy salt canada winter headlights

Red light special...

2009-01-18T12:52:00.003-05:00

While driving, do you ever notice that you can never score a red light when trying to take a bite out of delicious drive-thru goodness?

... but when you do, you always say stuff like "I hope to God I'm stuck at this red light for eight minutes..."

Tags: eating drive thru fast food wendy\'s cheese burger red light green light obama street fighter 4

What can brown do for you?

2009-01-18T12:26:00.003-05:00

What can brown do for you? I can deliver, that's what!

My friend Al has decided to boycott my blog because I'm a fair-weather writer. F-that guy.

Out of spite, I will be delivering each of my posts, live to his comment feed:

Tags: spite hate boycott blog punk antics revenge hatre hatorade

This is what I mean...

2009-01-17T10:34:00.006-05:00

This is what I was talking about last post. I was at friend's for dinner. When I went to empty my plate in the garbage ...

... there were too many receptacle options. Three unlabeled containers: One for recylcling, one for composting and one for waste. Which was which? Who knows!

I didn't want to offend my friend and his tree-hugging ways, so I stood there confused for many moments. Eventually, I just gave up. Thanks for nothing Chin.

The point of the story is why bother? The Chindia region has a booming economy. It has an emerging middle class of almost 500 million people -- not including the peasants moving on up.

Their demands for needs (energy, clean water) and wants (automobiles, consumer products) are going to drive world pollutions levels to a scale no one has ever seen before.

Think they care about Kyoto? Think they care that a bulk of their energy is being produced comes from coal? NO! They're only interested in this "new" lifestyle.

So why bother? We're pretty much doomed environmentally. Live it up now, because when the skies turn permanently red ...

... you'll be kicking yourself.

Oh why did I deprive myself of air conditioning? -- and -- I should've just got the V8 SUV instead of the Yaris -- and -- Why did I waste days of my life sorting paper, plastic and food waste.

But what about the saying "Every little bit helps" -- that was the same saying the Polish horse-mounted cavalry said when they were trying to stop Nazi tanks in WWII.

Trust me on this one! Don't deprive yourselves. Enjoy now, because other's aren't going to leave any for you.

Tags: pollution tata india china kyoto paper plastic recycle garbage waste clean doom

Green Posers: You think you can get away with it...

2009-01-15T19:21:00.005-05:00

Going green is quite the fashionable trend these days. Recycle this, reuse that. It's an admirable lifestyle.

Unfortunately, it has created minions of green posers. Zombies who self-righteously stomp around spreading green militantly: "Who threw this can in the garbage can? Who? Tell me who damn it!"

Are they not the most annoying people ever? "I'm green, I'm better than you." Get the f-outta here.

These are the same people who drive over-sized SUVs, keep their air conditioning on frozen tundra mode and leave lights on in empty rooms. They're no better than animal activists who sport leather jackets. If you wanna be green, ditch the 4x4 and rock the bus pass.

When it comes to being green, my green initatives ...

... aren't so great. Winters in my living room are like the Bahamas; my thermostat is set to 90F. I drive around town in second gear, revving at 6500 RPM. I only use one side of paper and shoot aluminum cans / glass bottles like basketballs into garbage receptacles.

I understand that my carbon footprint is amongst the highest in the world, but at least I'm not a liar.

If you're going to truly be hardcore green, be true to yourself and be green. Don't just talk. F'ing posers.

Tags: green kyoto go green green initiatives reduce reuse recylce garbage glass bottles plastic aluminum cans clean earth save

Karate Fun with Cardboard!

2009-01-13T00:04:00.002-05:00

While assembling boxes during my most recent home re-organization project, I decided to build a massive wall of boxes and karate kick 'em. The results were very Street Fighter 2 bonus stage like:

Don't lie. You're pretty jealous. Yeah, I knew it.

Tags: karate kick cardboard box boxes wall street fighter ninja martial arts awesome funny video wicked ikea home organization organize condo

Peak-a-boo, I see you!

2009-01-10T17:53:00.002-05:00

Ever see Lady Gaga's video, Just Dance? She dresses / acts crazy and all, but WTF is up this repeated dance move?

At least she's not wearing them stars and lightning bolts on her face. She's like the real-life Jem and the Holograms...

Tags: lady gaga just dance dance moves whack funny youtube

NohPunk!

2009-01-09T07:12:00.002-05:00

So I return from my blogging break and the hate sites are already up! Take a look at my friend Al's post:

Don't visit his website!

I am boycotting Shaun's blog, and I implore you to do the
same.

Why?

Shaun stopped blogging a while ago, and he'll give you a whole bunch of wack reasons why. The fact is that he stopped. But that's not the reason why I want you to boycott.

Why?

Because when he stopped writing, he also stopped reading. No comments on anybody's blog the whole year. Until recently ... When he started writing again. Selfish! Also, I'm boycotting because he punked my last post.

Such hatred? Why the hate, it's not 2K8. F-that guy man!

Tags: hatred hate boycott ban

A-hole Ronald Channel

2009-01-08T19:19:00.000-05:00

Conan O'Brien routinely showcased faux-satelite TV channel on a bit called "Channel Surfing." My favourite was the A-Hole Ronald channel. I've been searching for this clip for over ten years. Priceless:

Classic! Honourable mentions are Awesome Dave's Counting Channel and The Men Without Hats Conversation Channel.

Tags: ronald mcdonald ahole ahole ronald channel surfing conan awesome dave counting channel men without hats safety dance conversation

I'm a big kid, look what I can do...

2009-01-07T19:50:00.006-05:00

Flipping through tagged pictures on Facebook and couldn't help but laugh at this one of me. Caption? CAUGHT - My 30 year old cousin...

What else is there to do in the IKEA Returns & Exchanges lounge?*

I wouldn't have been stuck playing with the boring spin-puzzle had those pesky kids not hogged the touch screen painting program. Talk about selfish!

*Note* Come to think of it, the following have happened to me in the returns lounge at IKEA:

Met a girl, wound up carrying her stuff to her car and she invited me to her house for dinner (I used to have mad game! jk jk)
Broke into my own locker that was being held by squatters and returned all their unopened IKEA merchandise
Randomly met a friend's sister who moved far, far away and went to lunch
Hacked the Ikea computer network and changed all the pictures (not to mention jumping on stacked matresses and racing around the store in shopping carts)

Hmmm. I think I'm going to go to IKEA at 7am for some $1 breakfast. Who's in?

Tags: ikea puzzle games waiting return candid camera paparazzi paint

Re-gifting nouveau? I'll say!

2009-01-06T21:14:00.008-05:00

After being away on Christmas holidays for over two weeks my friend and co-worker, Gary, walks into the office holding a festively wrapped box.

"I know it's a little late, but Merry Chrismas buddy" he said as he presented me the gift.

Oh snap! Gary got me a Christmas gift? Wrapped with a ribbon and all? Wow. That was quite thoughtful! What a nice guy!

That was until I glanced down at the tag (pardon the shoddy photo):

Yes. What you are seeing is correct.

Gary received a present from someone and without unwrapping it, decided it wasn't for him. Leaving affixed the original label, he struck out his name and the sender's name -- and -- creatively replaced it with to "Shaun" & from "Gary"

Can you believe that ish?

I was spitefully hoping the box would contain some rare pirate gold coin collection, but it didn't. I guess brandy filled chocolates are a close second.

F'ing Gary.

Tags: christmas christmas gift present chocolate wrapped gift box candy brandy prank antics

I kissed a girl and I liked it...

2009-01-05T20:28:00.001-05:00

While walking through the mall, I couldn't help but over hear the conversation of two teenage boys...

Kid 1: If you could bang any celebrity, who would you bang?
Kid 2: Katy Perry
Kid 1: Me too!

I've heard her music, but had no clue what she looked like. I punched "Katy Perry" into images.google.com and voila. This was the first pic:

Now these kids could have their go at any celebrity and they picked her? Uhhh, that's a pass. Pass as in fail.

I mean she's holding a knife! A knife! No guy in his right mind would "bang" any chick holding a knife (or who had pictures of her holding a knife).

I needed further input on this Katy Perry. A woman's point-of-vew. So, I jumped on Facebizzle and noticed a few girls online. I fired them the link to the above and asked for their thoughts on the picture. The replies?

"She has really nice hair..." and "That's a cute top!"

That's a cute top? Are you kidding me? You can't even see it. I'll tell you what you can see: A knife. Apparently the knife is invisible to women.

In conclusion this is probably why most women get mugged by knife wielding bandits...

"OMG Mr. Strange man, are you trying to rob me? You have a knife? Oh dear. Where did the knife come from? Ohhh, you know what? I was just so mesmerized by your Banana Republic 3/4 Cashmere blend jacket, I just didn't notice the knife. Silly me. Did you get it on sale or from the outlet? Anyhow, my PIN to my debit card is..."

Tags: katy perry katy perry i kissed a girl and I liked it knife butterfly mugging robbery

I'm baaaaaaaack...

2009-01-02T19:08:00.009-05:00

Wow, has it ever been a long time since I logged into me blog. Do not act surprised. You all know I have done this repeatedly throughout my 14 year blogging career.

Think of OhPunk! as a bad crack dealer. It gets you hooked and suddenly disappears. However, unlike the crack dealer, my blog comes back. And that's what matters? Right? Call me the Prodigal Son, for I have returned.

Like all your favourite biblical characters, I have returned with quite a few projects on the go. My book writing is in full gear, I am working on a fantastic screen play (watch your back Apatow) and dabbling with some acting!

So why wouldn't I blog again? It's the perfect project compliment. And, as a devout writer, I sincerely promise to continually update this site. Unlike certain people, I will not forsake you.

And hopefully I'll be able to scrape up enough coin to pick up a new Lamborghini..

... beacuse we all know that A-list chicks don't dig guys in Acuras. Sorry RSXXXY!

Tags: laborghini Murcielago alar gallardo blogging blog prodigal son biblebiblical jesus diety

Zip it!

2009-01-01T17:04:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year Britches! I've decided to re-launch my blog.

If recovering from New Year's wasn't bad enough, I spent the last hour censoring me blog by Houdini-ing some of my greatest posts. Tragic that we live in a world of haters.

Oh well, as Doctor Evil says "When a problem comes along you must zip it!" (If you thought that clip was funny, you obviously have not ch-ch-checked it out in Spanish)

Tags:dr evil zip it zipit new year britches konichiwa spansih austin powers

He didn't see it coming!

2008-04-10T22:19:00.001-04:00

Sure, at first glance it's just me reading a braille sign (FYI, the braille sign read "307, Seats 1-14") ...

... but to me, it's symbolic. You may have noticed my moderately-challenged friend, John. He's the fool trying to get into the background of the picture. When people aren't look, he always does that.

He also seems to always make bets that he can't win. Most recently John wagered that I could *not* get into better shape than him by June 1st.

Loser pays for fancy-schmancy dinner at Toronto's Harbour Sixty steakhouse.

Considering at the time I couldn't fit into any of my clothes -- and -- that I had a fondness for the good life, at least foodwise, John had made a pretty safe bet.

Or did he? With a Euro trip on the horizon, I had promised to get in shape. John quickly dismissed it with a "Whatever guy!"

Anyhow John, wherever you are, I decided to put together a little graph of my "getting in shape" progress:

Bet you didn't see that coming? Start saving up, I'm eating the surf & turf meal!

Tags: harbour sixty biggest loser weight loss weight tracking braille john

Out with the old, in with the new!

2008-04-08T21:51:00.002-04:00

Over the last few weeks I've been making some adjustments in life. Things that weren't working out too well, I just used the best solution: replace... replace... replace!

Sadly, I've had to do likewise my beloved K-Pex MP3 Video player. Sure, I moaped around for a day or so -- but -- when I got out to the store, I was in heaven. I instantly fell in love with two new flashy products, and was like "Here's my credit card!" Swipey, Swipey!

I picked up Samsung's P2 Digital Media Player -- and -- Motorola's S9 Bluetooth 2.0 wireless headphones!

The P2 is complete with a gorgeous interface, 3.0" touch screen display and amazing battery life. It's a total iPOD killer, take a look at the specs. And the best part: it doesn't require a proprierty music organization tool (sorry, straight up iTunes suck!)

And the S9. There's not much I can say about being able to go to the gym and listen to music without wires. Awesome.

If you've got some -- errr lots of -- money burning a hole in your pocket, I *strongly* recommend you purchase both (headset link - player link). We can have an iPod burning party!

Speaking of burning, I found this awesome review of the Samsung P2. I love her voice! *edit* Apparently this was a review of Bluetooth 2.0 and not the Samsung P2, uhhhh, I didn't even notice! Still a good video...

Tags: samsung p2 motorola s9 bluetooth bluetooth 2.0 mp3 player video player digital audio player

Old El Paso

2008-04-03T22:44:00.000-04:00

Alright, some of the Old El Paso's marketing slogans have been borderline sexual...

... but, their latest campaign is just ridiculous. Over the radio today, I heard an with their new slogan: "Old El Paso, it's like a Fiesta in a box!"

Are you kidding me? Aren't these screened? I'm just actually upset I didn't hear that line before I went to Mexico... jk!

Tags: old el paso salsa fiesta in a box slogan

Happy Anniversary

2008-03-11T12:22:00.001-04:00

Happy Anniversary to my condo!

I can't believe it has already been two years since some of my friends hijacked my moving boxes and had a field day re-labelling them with labels such as "Porn & Smut"

Here's the article if you have no clue what I'm talking about!

Tags: condominium annivesary two years citygate city gate

Is Brooklyn in the house?

2008-03-10T00:10:00.000-04:00

Looking for a good, upbeat album with a mix of dance & hip-hop/R&B?

Check out Mariah Carey's The Remixes album. I stumbled upon it by accident this weekend; it's old-school like 2003, but still awesome!

She's got a new video out as well, voila:

Tags: mariah carey touch my body the remixes video

Stars of the LPGA

2008-03-09T12:05:00.000-04:00

I don't follow the LPGA, but maybe I should...

Natalie Gulbis. Apparently she's a golfer, hot!

Take that Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario. Wait a second; that's tennis. Whatever... Fore!

Tags: Natalie Gulbis Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario LPGA golf hot girl

One wish...

2008-03-08T11:07:00.000-05:00

Alright,who wished for the snow?

With all the things to wish for, you couldn't wish for something else? An island? A high priced sportscar? A lingerie model?

There is no scientific reason to explain all the snow we've been getting during the last few weeks. This is getting ridiculous. It's March *hang on, checking calendar* It's March 8th! When is this going to end?

And yes, I realize I haven't updated my blog in a while. Worry not, I'm back!

Tags: snow storm snowstorm weather global warming snowed in snow day

Vince Carter traded!

2008-02-21T13:54:00.001-05:00

Breaking news on today's NBA trade deadline. Vince Carter was traded to the New York Knicks.

In return the Knicks have agreed to give up the team's HD DVD player:

Tags: vince carter vince carter trade vc vc trade nba trade deadline new york new jersey

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T08:18:00.000-05:00

To all the ladies out there, Happy Valentine's Day...

... hope it's a good one! And no, that's not me pictured above - LOL!

Tags: valentine valentines day valentine\'s day hairy back hairy back heart funny

Alaska, Ontario

2008-02-13T18:54:00.000-05:00

Yeah, what ever happened to Global Warming in North America?

We were hit hard by a freak snow storm last night. Just take a look at the parking lot this morning; it looks like some place in Siberia!

Thank goodness for quality snow tires...

Tags: global wamring freak snow storm snow storm snowstorm toronto ontario canada alaska siberia

Alaska, Ontario

2008-02-13T17:11:00.001-05:00

Yeah, what ever happened to Global Warming in North America?

We got dumped with a ton of snow last night! Just take a look at the parking lot this morning... Looks like some place in Siberia!

- This is a mobile blog post -

Most wonderful time of the year

2008-02-11T19:29:00.000-05:00

Here in Canada, it's that time of year again: TAXES

For the fourth year running I've filed mine on day one, today!

So why the picture of Posh Spice? Why not? You would rather see a screen capture of my tax software? Exactly. Smarten up!

Some people get excited for New Years Eve? Not me! Pshhh, February 11th baby. That's the one and only time during the year where I can officially tell the government "F*** you, pay me!"

According to a recent study, over 60% of Canadians receive tax refunds with an average return of $1800. That's quite a bit of money! I can't fathom how people won't claim FREE MONEY on time. If you're too good / rich / lazy for your refund, give it to me, I'll take it.

Now all that's left to figure out is what to do with the refund. Save for a rainy day? Blah! Take some extra classes? Are you kidding me? Donate to charity? Sure, it's a good idea in theory...

... but I've got some better ideas. I'm going to do the following:

1) Buy a cheap $3500, low-CC motorbike to putter around the block with.

2) Take another open wheel racecar course. Vroom, bitch, vroom.

-- and last but not least --

3) Hop on a flight to France, where even the television reporters are hot!

"C'est vrais" -- that's French for it's true! That would be Melissa Theuria, dreamy! I'm pretty sure everyone else in France -- that I'll notice at least -- looks like her too...

... so it's a good things my friends don't speak the language, can't wait for them to try and speak to women before I interject with my "Hey, you've found my gay friends!"

CB for life! But seriously, a couple weeks in the Old World wouldn't be too shabby.

So what are you doing with your tax refund?

Tags: tax refund income tax tax taxes canada canadian revenue canada motorbike france trip vacation melissa theuria race2000

Worst Seats in the House

2008-02-05T10:46:00.000-05:00

Kobe and the Los Angeles Lakers were in town this weekend...

I jumped onto Ticketmaster's site and scouped up some last minute seats. I should've booked earlier, because availability was so poor that this was our view from the best seats available (that weren't $1650 each):

Officially the worst seats in the house! They weren't even seats. It was a dimly lit standing room only section on the last row of the upper deck. Are you kidding me?

We were so high up that the media gondola above us protruded into our field of vision and blocked our view of the scored board. No worries though, the Air Canada Centre is equipped with "scoreboard" monitors:

Too bad we're not NBA groupie skank like these two chicks:

They were at the will call booth beside me and were all like "Yeah. So, one of the players left us tickets. His name is Derek..." -- I'm sure they had steallar tickets too.

Derek Fisher, wherever you are I'm sure you can get better girls than that! What's wrong with you? I know that you have hos in diff-er-ent are-a codes but, smarten up.

And apparently, I'm not the only person who likes NBA ballers. My friend sent me a cheque to pay for the his ticket from the game. Look what he wrote in the MEMO field (click picture to enlarge):

So it continues, oh well. Anyone see D.Wade's new commercial for Verizon that aired during the superbowl? It's hilarious:

Tags: la lakers los angeles lakers lakers toronto raptors raptors kobe kobe bryant derek fisher fisher tickets seats standing verizon wade barkley dwayne wade charles barkley

The Chow stops here!

2008-02-03T17:21:00.000-05:00

Today is Superbowl Sunday.

The currently undefeated New England Patriots must be stopped at all costs! It's not because I hate them, I just really hate their fans.

How can such a beautiful city such as Boston, generate such loud, self-centred and overly obnoxious fans?

Ask anyone... all you'll ever hear from Boston sportfan is: "Red Sox this. Patriots that. Celitics this! I am a man and I want to make out with Tom Brady, chow, chow, chow!"

Ugh! They still celebrate Doug Flutie's no-time-left hailmary pass that lifted Boston College over Miami in 1984! (I had lunch with him btw) Are you kidding me?

Given that the Boston Red Sox already have the most recent World Series title under their belt, and that 07-08 Boston Celtics are almost shoo-ins for the NBA title... should the Patriots win today, snap! We would be dealing with a trifecta of jeer equivalent to the axis of evil.

Boston fan would be eternally glorious, and there would be nothing to ever shut them up. Sure there's the NHL -- but -- who really watches that?

Go Giants! I've got my fingers crossed -- I'm off to a bowl party!

Also ... does anyone remember this commercial featuring Boston sportsfan when the Red Sox first won the World Series? AWESOME:

Tags: tom brady new england patriots boston redsox boston celtics new england jets mastercard priceless patriots dennis leary redsox giants new york giants celtics red sox

Oceanic 6?

2008-02-03T17:12:00.000-05:00

Anyone see LOST on Thursday? Oh snap! Who are the Oceanic 6? Does that mean that only six passengers from the Oceanic Airlines flight 815 made it back?

I don't know, I don't know. I can't take anymore... my heart races every damn time I watch the show. Only four more days till Thursday! Can't wait!

On a completely different note, I found this stupid yet mildly amusing LOST parody...

Tags: lost oceanic six oceanic 6 flight 815 oceanic airways lost parody lost theories

Rambo will brings you to tears

2008-01-31T09:15:00.000-05:00

The new Rambo movie is definitely not a children's movie...

Second of all, this was not a movie. Think of it as a short film. I've baked store made lasagna's that have cooked slower than how quickly Rambo whizzed by! To quote the young thug behind me:

"Dang yo, this movie was like 47 minutes long!"

I couldn't have said it better myself. But don't let the elapsed timeline fool you. I lifted my personal ban on violent movies for a night to watch this bloodbath in which over 236 are killed -- that's 3.04 kill per minute! There were more kills in this movie than sentences! Maybe even more kills than words. A sample of dialogue: "My name is John" -- "Go home" -- "Go home" and "Go home."

For furthere Rambo statistics please refer to the following Rambo Death Chart:

Sylvester Stallone says "This is the most violent movie ever." I agree. Rambo 4 makes the village scene from Predator and the bank robbery shootout scene from Heat look like something out of a Hannah Montana special.

This is also definitely the best movie that I've seen all year -- which is not saying much considering the only other movies that I've seen were Cloverfield and 27 Dresses (it was a date!!)

And what did the general public think?

... what a bunch of dead beats. I wonder if they'll ever release the director's cut, Rambo IV: Oscar visits Burma?

... Oscar, what a terrible movie! Stallone in a comedy? Get out of there!

Noooooooo! Say it ain't so!

2008-01-30T09:34:00.000-05:00

Lindsay Lohan, one of the top picks on my future wife list, has reportedly blown virtually all of her $7 million fortune! Here's the story.

Don't get me wrong, I'd still date her...

Tags: lindsay lohan lohan lindsay lilo broke bankrupt

Scratch another one off the list!

2008-01-28T00:30:00.000-05:00

For the last few years some friends and I have been looking for a low-paying, moderately brainless, part-time job.

Because we need money? No!

Because we have too much time on our hands? No!

Why then, why? For spite of course!

It's a contest of sorts, to see which one of us can last there the longest. Which one of us who never had a job like this could actually get our hands dirty (edit). Which one of us can put our pride and accomplishments aside and tough it out to prevail as the winner. Think of it as a Surivor for corporate folk.

However, selecting the target job has turned out to be quite the nightmare. We keep finding reasons why each job is not a good enough to serve as the contest's part-time gig.

Working on weekends? PASS!

I don't have an email address? PASS!

I have to carry stuff AND my supervisor dropped out of grade ten? PASS!

Tonight (Sunday) let's scratch "Grocery Store Bag Boy" from that list of potential jobs. I wound up going to a local discount grocery store and found myself packing my own grocery bags. Lovely. It's really not a big deal, but I was seriously bored to tears after packing two -- especially with roughly eight more bags to go. Yawn! Way too monotonous!

"Whoops, can't mix eggs and bags of flour in the same bag..."

Working in a grocery store is definitely not as glamorous as Dax Sheppard protrayed it to be in Employee of the Month.

I'm also pretty sure that chatting up random women would be out of the picture. Think they'd ever believe the "Uhh, I'm only working here as part of a contest with my friends. I really went to university and I have a real job and own my own place and have a car..." line? Probably not.

But don't get me wrong. If this job was nominated and selected as the contest job, I'd do it. I'd do it well. I'd even win the contest!

It's just my friends. Their dainty hands (CT), stylish ties (CM), long hair (JY), slow-motioness (AI) and lack of a MAC OS Leopard interface (AT) would not stand the wrath of the mighty conveyor belt.

Take heed or the conveyor belt WILL own you...

... with all said, if this EVER goes down it would be truly EPIC! Just imagine the antics that would go down. Hilarious!

Tags: grocery story bagbog bag plastic bag paper bag green enviroment discount contest survivor conveyor belt

What the hell is this?

2008-01-26T14:31:00.000-05:00

On my way into the office, I find myself stopped at a red light. I look over and...

Wait, let me zoom in a bit more...

Could it really be? Is it? Is that? Is that one of the members from Daft Punk drving beside me?

Ugh, solar visors are just creepy! Why do people insist on wearing them?

It's all the rage in parts of western and southern Asia, but they just irk me. They look like something out of Kylie Minogue's Love at First Sight video (not a good thing, unless, it's actually Kylie Minogue).

Stop wearing them! Just look how ridiculous you look:

Tags: daft punk solar visor visor china ridiculous

Draft picks...

2008-01-26T14:07:00.000-05:00

After the Raptor's game last night, coverage switched to some tennis match featuring the lovely Ana Ivanovic. As soon as they showed her picture...

...we all called out "Mine, called it."

In order to make it fair we had a deal which was the first person to blog her, claims her. People without blogs, tough luck. I went out after that, only to wake up and find that stupid Al had already blogged her. Too bad she's married (and you are too Al!)

I don't like tennis chicks anyway, so on that note, I'd like to spend my pick on Miss April Scott:

Marry me? lol...

Tags: ana ivanovic anna ivanovic tennis toronto raptors draft pick hot girls april scott

Heath Ledger vs Congo

2008-01-25T00:37:00.000-05:00

How is the death of Heath Ledger front page news? What is he famous for? Ten things I hate about you? A Knight's Tale? Broke Back Mountain -- a movie about two gay cowboys that has been referenced by Phil Jackson* of the LA Lakers? Get out of here!

How can this deadbeat who brought death upon himself get frontpage coverage when newspapers don't even run stories about the Congo conflict where 45,000 people are killed each month. That's just nuts!

On a side note, Heath Ledger plays the character of Joker in the upcoming Batman movie. I really want this Joker poster...

*If you liked Phil Jackson's BrokeBack comments, you'll love his apology -- gold!!! (thanks Chin)

Tags: dark knight batman joker heath ledger heath ledger congo 45000 phil jackson killed conflict

Deals, Deals, Deals...

2008-01-24T00:20:00.000-05:00

"I will look in your treasures gypsy. Is this understood? I will look on them..."

Yeah, so this week has been a week of deals. From virtually free laptops and sub-$100 cameras to movies and cheques for FREE money (insurance settlements, cha-ching!). Overall, my favourite hooks up this week have been...

1. Reebok Authentic Cincinnati Bengals Chad Johson Alternate Jersey

This fine piece of shirtery is listed at $284.99 US (plus shipping/handling) on NFLShop.com -- but -- thanks to GW and his resourcefulness, this was nearly "FREE NINTY NINE" -- and no, it's not a Tony-the-Tiger shirt! Grrrrrr....

2. Two pairs of shoes for under $18

That's right. While shopping in Detroit -- err the suburbs of Detroit -- I popped into Steve & Barry's and picked up two pairs of Starbury's for under $18.

Tragically, all my sizes were picked out due to the store's clearance sale. Had that not been the case, I would have walked out with ten pairs or more. Way to make a mockery of a low cost shoe that was specifically marketed towards lower income households. Yes, I'm that guy.

3. Take it through Carrrrrwash

I pull into this local covered coin-operated car wash. Except there were no coin receptacles, just a timer. Once you finish, you are billed by an attendant for the time spent in the carwash bay.

In the stall behind me was a car being washed by some kids blasting random hiphop beats. Upon closer inspection it was the car wash attendant and his friends. They were just chilling and smoking weed. Lots of it!

Regardless, I washed my car.

When it was time to pay, I walked into the attached store. The car wash attendant ditched his crew and followed me in from the carwash bay to ring me up. The conversation we had went something like this:

Car Wash Attendant: "Hi Sir"

Me: "Wow, look at you. You've got quite the job. Smoke weed with the boys. Blast music. Get paid. I wish I had a job like that. Must be nice?"

Car Wash Attendant: "Hey you know what? Why don't you take this car wash on the house? You shouldn't be paying for anything today!"

The kid thought I was insinuating something more -- as if I was a snitch -- as if I was that snitch who would tell his boss! I'm no NARC, I was just trying to be down. I guess I'm just old but this misunderstanding translated into be a free carwash for this guy (by this guy, I mean me).

Too funny! You know after I left he was probably shouting at his friends: "Yo guys, keep it down and hide the weed. I had to give some old guy a free carwash because of you fockers.."

Tags: chad johnson ocho cinco carwash car wash coin operated coin-op weed ganja smoking smoked up hot box starbury

All work and no play...

2008-01-23T23:24:00.000-05:00

... life has just been crazy busy the last bit. Work, work, work! Any single hot sugar mommies out there?

Above: A pretty funny vandalized construction work-zone sign in Quebec City taken a few months back! Hilarious! *AND* I didn't do it, I swear!

Tags: quebec quebec city crushed ice vandalize vandals sign construction work

2008 North American International Autoshow

2008-01-22T19:02:00.000-05:00

Just a slideshow from this weekend's autoshow in Detroit, Michigan:

And a few videos for perspective...

Above: A view of a pavillion from an upper level

Above: The Mini Cooper showcase -- awesome!

Tags: detroit autoshow auto show north american international autoshow north american international auto show naias booth babes honda acura mercedes maybach maserati ferrari lamborghini dub rockstar mazda lexus toyota hummer scion bentley mini cooper mini cooper

Put your hands up for Detroit

2008-01-20T23:19:00.000-05:00

Today I managed to zoom down to Detroit for the 2008 North American International Autoshow...

The show was well put together and I'll post a some more pics tomorrow.

Thanks to some excellent driving -- 350km trip at an average cruising speed of 165km/h -- we had plenty of post-show time for exploring the hood & it's condemned buildings, doing some shopping (in the suburbs of course), having lunch and winning some money at the Motor City Casino.

Not bad for a day trip!

Above: Mazda something or other... taken right from the pages of 1989 Batmobile User Manual. "I'm batman, I'm batman!"

Above: Still quite early at the show. It wasn't even busy yet...

Interesting Detroit fact of the day: Detroit's murder rate is ranked #1 in USA with 47.3 people in 100,000 getting capped. Going there is like being in From Dusk till Dawn, you need to get the hell out before the sun begins to set.

Tags: 2008 detroit autoshow detroit ghetto autoshow naias mazda mazda furkai model car babe motorcity casino motor city casino motor city motorcity

Things I learned wathcing Cloverfield...

2008-01-19T15:19:00.000-05:00

Last night after dinner and the Raptor's game, we went out to watch JJ Abram's new flick, Cloverfield. By time we arrived at the theatre, there were only tickets to the 11:45pm showing -- and -- the lineup was INSANE...

... the line up only got worse later! I haven't seen this much hype for a movie since ID4 (Independence Day). Anyhow, by watching this movie I learned a few things:

1) Opening day shows are always rammed packed! Why can't we just watch movies during the week?

2) Teenagers are obnoxious, annoying and loud. If we -- and by we, I mean I, as we know my friends' track record for backing people up -- got into an altercation with one (or three) wannaba-gang bangers, the police would probably believe whatever story I made up because I'm old, well dressed, and a real taxpayer.

3) Cloverfield is all filmed from a digital camerapoint of view. I think I saw this movie before, it was called The Blair Witch Project.

4) If spiderlike monsters are wandering the streets, *don't* descend into the subway and try to run through DARK subway tunnels. Seriously? What are you thinking?

5) When the city is exploding all around you or your best friend is being attacked by monsters, don't stand there filming. Help him, dummy!

6) If you have the opportunity to jump on a millitary evacuation shopper while your city is under siege by unknown alien monsters, *don't* tell them you're not interested in being evacuated...

7) ... and *don't* ask for directions on how to get back to the city.

8) ... and if your friend is dragging you on some bizzare suicide mission to rescue his pseudo-girlfriend who's possibly dead, don't go. Take the chopper. Trust me, she dies later. And if you feel bad about hurting your friend's feelings, don't. Just tell him "Listen man, you had plenty of chances to tell her your feelings. You hesistated. And we all know hesitation leads to masturbation..."

9) Nokia cell phones have poor battery life.

10) I have no clue what Step Up 2 is or all about. I just saw the poster and was like "Gatdamn" -- I am such a marketer's dream

Is it me, or did they ripoff the poster for Honey?

Doesn't matter. Looks hot. Plus, have you ever seen Jessica Alba dance?

Tags: cloverfield jj abrams j.j abrams jessica alba honey step up step up 2 lessons

Stream it, stream it good...

2008-01-18T01:52:00.000-05:00

When it comes to bedroom music systems I'm really not a big fan of bookshelf stereos, CD players, FM clock radios or anything of that nature -- they're so 1996. Playing MP3's from a laptop? "Hey girl, give me a sec for Windows XP to boot up..."

... and iPod docking stations are only hype if you are sixteen. Think about it! Every time you feel like changing the song, you need to roll over to look at your iPod in it's little cradle. Who needs that kind of stress? Pass!

When I'm in bed and looking for some chill music or even some R. Kelly, I want it then and there. With that said, I installed one of these:

It's the Wireless DJ music system (CNET Review - Video Demo) from Logitech.

Simply attach a USB antenna to your computer and connect the supplied receiver to speakers in a different room. Pick up the iPod-like Bluetooth remote and take control of an on-demand music stream transmitted wirelessly from your computer to your room of choice. Bad-ass? Indeed.

I've been playing around with it this evening (it's morning now) and it's incredible -- and crystal clear! Browse through your computer's collection of music all from the palm of your hand. "Loosen up my buttons baby..."

The good news is that this product has been recently discontinued to make room for it's replacement, the Squeeze Box, so prices have been slashed-slashed-slashed. Get one while you can... if you can... unless you're content with your clock-radio / playing music from your stereo in the next room. Weak!

Who said you don't learn stuff on my blog? Geez!

Tags: logitech wireless dj wireless dj streaming music network music roku roku labs logitech squeeze box duet PCD pussy cat dolls r kelly bedroom

You're hired!

2008-01-18T01:14:00.000-05:00

Anyone watching NBC's Celebrity Apprentice? Good lord is Ivanka Trump looking good!

"Hey Ivanka, call me..."

Tags: invanka trump ivanka trump donald trump the donald celebrity apprentice apprentice nbc hot

In a rush?

2008-01-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

Have you ever woken up late, rushed to get dressed and bolt out of the door -- only to realize around lunch time that you did something completely ridiculous?

"Wanna buy a watch?"

Tags: late rush haste kenneth cole movado heineken steak steak sandwhich fork

Getting Lucky...

2008-01-15T00:04:00.000-05:00

At some point during the weeked I found myself in a casino. It was a busy night and the slot machines were rammed! We walked the crowded ailses until we found a few slut machines.

Yes, slut machines. There were a few machines themed with half-naked women in provacative poses...

... the blue hairs were staying clear, so I figured what's the worst that could happen? I'd lose money? Maybe pick something up that's curable with an anti-biotic? So I slipped in a $20, pressed the bet max button and DING, DING, DING!!!

"Hey look, the she's putting out..." I yelled to my date a few machines down.

Of course in true Shaun-fashion, I was unaware that an older lady had stood beside me to see why my machine was moaning and playing the Wild Thing song). She was not impressed.

Whatever, turned out to be a fantastic night.

Later that evening, we met an older gent who's machine spit out $4500. I chatted with him for a minute and gave him *props* for his tidy win. He responded "Well I was down to my last $100. Pretty bad considering I won $9000 last night..."

I wish *I* won $4500...

Tags: slot machine slots slut sluts casino gambling win lose wild thing

Leaf Burning...

2008-01-14T22:47:00.000-05:00

So hockey is "a big deal" where I live...

The last game I went to (see above / below) had the hometown Toronto Maple Leafs shutting out the visiting Ottawa Senators by a score of 3-0. Pretty good right?

Well apparently that was a fluke. The very same Toronto Maple Leafs have only won two games in their last thirteen. Overall the Leafs are ranked 28th overall.

Can you believe that? There are actually at least 28 teams in the NHL?! All along I figured there were abouts 22 teams in the league, and thought even that was a stretch... but.. 30?

When did this expansion come? What US markets would actually support these teams?

I did some research. Turns out there are 30 teams teams in the NHL; not to mention they're in some weird-for-pro-hockey markets:

Columbus Blue Jackets: Population of Columbus: 733,000 -- how many fans could they have? Oh wait, click here. And what's a Blue Jacket? Some historical reference to patriotism? I guess. You might as well call your team the Columbus Benjamin Franklins.

Atlanta Trashers: Apparently the Dirty South, birthplace of crunk and Lil'Jon is also a hockey haven? *looks to the ceiling*

Phoenix Coyotes: My friend once told me they had a TV viewing rating of 0.0, meaning NO ONE was watching. You also can get tickets for $11.00! $11.00! The last drink I had was $12.50 -- woah -- Phoenix season tickets can cost less than an XBOX...

Nashville Predators: Hmmm, something is NOT right when you try to Google search a team name and get the Tennessee Sexual Offender Registry. 'nuff said.

So in conclusion, if you're looking for a winter sport to watch...

... watch football! They even have guys with French-like last names: Brett Favre. It's spelt FAVRE, but it's pronounced: FARRRRRRRVE!

Speaking of which, do you guys remember the Brett Favre scene in "Something About Mary?"

End-Note: This post was dedicated to my good friend Chinovski, Hockey-fan-boy-#1. Did you hear about that new super Russian League? Get the f-out-of here.

Tags: Toronto Maple Leafs fire coach Ottawa Senators NHL Columbus Blue Jackets Atlanta Trashers Phoenix Coyotes Nashville Predators

Good riddance!

2008-01-14T18:12:00.000-05:00

"Look at my balls..." said one of my (hot) female neighbours who saw this pile of ornaments in my den while visiting! Pretty funny.

With that said, I finally got the Christmas tree down -- January 14 -- only 20 days post-Christmas, not too shabby...

... and make that two days in a row of labourous house work!
From now on just call me Shaunie Gulag (and can you believe predictive text didn't pick up the word "Gulag" -- are you kidding me?)

::This is a mobile blog post::

Pain!

2008-01-13T17:21:00.001-05:00

Ugh! Just removed half of the wire ties from my old DVD system. Feels as if I've been working on the space shuttle...

... now all I have to do is install my new system and hide / re-tie everything, and I'm all set!

My life is too stressful! Don't they have services to do this???

Calling all Chinese!

2008-01-10T00:30:00.000-05:00

So while driving downtown tonight...

... my friend in the back seat kept saying "Gum-lahhhhh"

Me: What are you saying?

Jon: I don't know. Kev mistook me as one of his Chinese friends on MSN and typed "Gum-lahhhhh"

A.i: What's it mean?

Jon: I don't know. Kev won't tell me what it means. It's something Cantonese or Mandarin.

So we spent the rest of the drive thinking of people who spoke Chinese -- that were awake -- that we could call to tell us what it meant. Thanks for nothing Anne!

Anyone know what this means? $50 to whomever can hook us up with an answer. Any ideas? Gum-lahhhh!

Above: On a sidenote, I think my car is too low... damn curbs!

Tags: gumla gum la chinese cantonese mandarin downtown toronto

One Missed Call... and me...

2008-01-08T00:02:00.000-05:00

Have you seen the trailers for the new thriller movie One Missed Call?

The premise of the film is that you receive a voicemail notification on your cell phone -- yet -- your phone doesn't ring. When you check your message, it's from yourself detailing the date, time and some details of your death.

Creepy? Nah!

So the other night I'm riding the elevator down to the underground parking deck. My phone's voicemail notifier beeps, and just like the movie my phone didn't ring.

One missed call? I chuckled to myself and muttered something about "Ohhh no.. someone is trying to kill me!"

Before I could even check my message, the elevator reached the basement. I was out of cell-phone reception. I slipped my phone into my jeans. The parking lot was unusually quiet. My footsteps echoed loudly as I walked towards my car.

Suddenly, there was a loud "powering down" sound. Lights in the garage started going off in sequence, a la Men in Black. The underground was pitch black. Silent.

"F-this!"

I had seen I am Legend a few weeks earlier, so the dark was not the place to be. This whole idea of One Missed Call started to run through my mind. I wasn't going to wait to find out what else was lurking in the dark so I darted towards my car, flicked my car remote, unlocked the car, checked the back seat, jumped in, locked the doors, and got the hell out.

What's even creepier is that when I checked my voicemail, it was a hang up from a blocked number. Creepy!

Above: This is just as ALL the lights were going out... I could still see at this point.. and of course rather then move, I'm snapping cell phone pics!

Above: What the place looks like when it's normally lit...

Above: ... and in the dark again (from my car)! As a famous poet once said: "See you later f*cks!"

Above: And if by some outrageous chance you are some freak, depressed, reader and are trying to get me: Don't even bother. On a completely unrelated note, pictured above is some random guy -- *not* me of course -- who's practicing self-defense at a licenced gun range somewhere in North America (That's politically correct for saying "Don't mess, I'm gangsta..")

Tags: one missed call voice mail dark parking lot stalker scary defense self defense urban legends

What's your router's name?

2008-01-05T13:47:00.000-05:00

Most people give their wireless router a name. But people, come'on. What's with all the ridiculously pathetic names?

Whenever I search for a WiFi connection, I *always* come across SSIDs such as "Pookie" or "Fluffy." That's not as bad as the totally creativeless drones who use their last name. Give me a break!

Here is a list of public-broadcast router connection names in and around my condo unit area...

Baker-Family? Who are those guys? Get the hell out of here. Seriously.

What's mine? BlackBriar of course! Although, I really miss my old router name: Ze_Germans...

So, what's YOUR router's name?

... and still wondering about what BlackBriar is? Here's a clue:

Noah Wilson: "Noah Wilson"

Matt Damon: "This is Jason Bourne"

Noah Wilson: "I was wondering when you would make this call. Perhaps we could arrange a meeting?"

Matt Damon: "Where are you now?"

Noah Wilson: "I'm sitting in my office..."

Matt Damon: "I doubt that..."

Noah Wilson: "Why would you doubt that?"

Matt Damon: "If you were in your office right now, we'd be having this conversation face to face!"

Tags: router wireless router SSID router name hack bourne identity ze germans coast gaurd blackbriar black briar

It's finally here...

2008-01-03T21:03:00.000-05:00

Is *it* here yet? Is *it* here yet?

I've been impatiently checking my mailbox everyday since 2007 and today *it* FINALLY arrived!

So what's in the box? A book -- the best book ever!

Now don't go and judge a book by it's cover. This is no children's book. It's a printed collection of Nicholas Gurewitch's Perry Bible Fellowship!

Here's a small sampling of it's cartooned goodness:

If you don't find these funny, well, uhh.. I can't help you.

Thanks to a.i for giving me the heads up on the hard cover collection, and of course Chinovsky for his post that intro'd me to PFB. Who said I don't give props?

Now go out and buy a copy here, or if you're poor(er) check'em out for free here.

Tags: Nicholas Gurewitch perry bible fellowship pbf pbfcomics colonel sweeto the trial of colonel sweeto comics comic strips

1 hour, 46 minutes...

2008-01-02T21:45:00.000-05:00

... is how long it took me to get out of bed this morning. Good thing I had set my alarm well before 6:00am -- and -- live close to work!

Let's see how I and my good friend, the "snooze button," fair tomorrow morning. Damn vacation-mode body clock.

Tags: alarm clock sleeping in tired body clock bodyclock vacation alarm snooze button

It's such a cliche, but...

2008-01-01T21:49:00.000-05:00

... Happy New Year!

Definitely *not* looking forward to going back to my regular non-vacation routine. I mean, it wouldn't be a problem had I worked here:

Tags: uniting nations you and me happy new year new year 2008

2007 Secret Santa gift...

2007-12-31T01:50:00.000-05:00

One month ago I blogged about my friend's annual Christmas party and our much anticipated Bad Santa game. This year I contributed a portable GPS to gift pool.

I was hoping for something nice in return, however the game is quite unpredictable. You never know what you'll pull. Over the years I've won anything and everything from a stupid Chinese Fortune cat (I really f'ing hate this statue, seriously -- and it STILL hasn't brought me any fortune!) ...

... to a pretty nifty Nintendo DS Lite:

Luckily this year everyone came strong with their presents. The pool consisted of not only my GPS, but wicked items such as an autographed Chris Bosh NBA All-Star jersey, highres digital picture frames, mobile video devices and even a special edition of Johnny Walker Blue Label with fancy schmancy glass stuff. There were many other awesome gifts too!

I would have been happy with any of them, however, I selected CP's gift: A sweet Logitech Harmony 670 remote control...

... hot! I was actually considering buying one -- but not anymore -- now I have one! Thanks Secret Santa. Now I can consolidate all of my remotes into one.

The remote -- sorry -- the Advanced Universal Remote's box had a quote that I thought was quite hilarious:

Simple for Everyone. There's even a handy "HELP" button so that anyone from the kids to the babysitter can easily access their entertainment.

WTF? A help button on a remote control? I still have no idea what the LCD screen is for. Hmmm... "Remote control, make me a tuna sandwhich!"

Tags: logitech harmony harmony 670 gps secret santa bad santa kris kringle remote control dvd player lcd picture frame digital picture frame chris bosh autographed ilive nintendo ds fortune cat gps portable gps gifts presents

Parking Incompetence

2007-12-30T23:59:00.000-05:00

Are you kidding me?

Upon returning to my street parked car after a late night party I found the gem above tucked under my wiperblades. Parking enforcement officers are truly the scum of the earth. Them and tow truck drivers, of course.

So why the ticket? Not because my car was parked illegally, but for not applying my new licence plate sticker! He deemed my car unlicenced. Give me a break!

*Technically* I was at fault. I am certainly not happy, however being an upstanding citizen, I will pay.

On a side note: Parking enforcement people of the world, you are dirtbags. Be careful, for one of these days, you parasites will ticket the wrong person, a real nut-job -- a Frank Lucas type -- and we all know how Frankie handled his problems? Right...

So *think* before you ticket. I know it's difficult on a highschool education, but think...

And to the rest of you. If you're interested in selling your soul and dignity by becoming a parking ticket deadbeat, my city is hiring.

"Geee golly, it's $26/hr!" *rolls eyes*

Now out there and be somebody!

Tags: parking ticket parking enforcement parking officer parking patrol tickets frank lucas parking enforcement by-law bylaw

Three little things...

2007-12-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

During the hustle and bustle of a regular work week, there's no room for the little things that make us happy!

This week I was off. I took advantage of that and indulged in the parties, late nights and drinks... but there were still three little things that I can't normally do during a work week that really brought a smile to my face...

Number 3: SLEEPING IN

Think about all the times you've hit the snooze button, praying for just a few more minutes. Not this week. Alarm 0 - Shaun 7. Daily life without an alarm is divine! I love my bed..

Number 2: LOSING THE RAZOR

For most of us guys, daily shaving is such a chore. I tossed my razor this week and went the way of most homlii -- stubble, stubble, beard. Unfortunately, I'm clean shaven again. *sigh*

Number 1: RINGTONES

Ring, Ring? Borrrring! *snore* Without the fear of something ridiculous blasting from my phone while in the office, I can rock the We Fly High by Jim Jones ring tone! BALLIN!!!!!!!!! Best ring tone ever...

Tags: ballin jim jones we fly high ringtone sleeping in shaving

Who's the biggest pig?

2007-12-29T16:20:00.000-05:00

So my friend's Alexis and Cathy, ran a few surprise home-cleanliness inspections on a few friends to see who's place was the BIGGEST pig sty. They appeared at random and filmed the results.

Check out the editted movies -- they are *fantastic* -- on his blog:

http://blog.lillex.com/2007/12/talib-kweli-will-come-and-clean-your.html

Tags: house inspection talib cleaning pig sty home inspection funny video surprise

I actually did this...

2007-12-28T01:14:00.000-05:00

A few nights back, Shaunie Retardo (that's me) and the guys decided to go on a mini road trip to a burger joint one hour outside of the city. The gas light in RSXXXY was brightly lit, so I pit-stopped at the first available gas station.

The sign on the pump read:

So what do I do? I run into the gas bar, pick up a couple tri-packs of Ferrero Roche and pre-pay for my gas. What happened next was ridiculous...

Excited about my Ferrero Roche purchase, I hurry back to the car. I open the door, jump in and distribute the chocolate goodness to my passengers. Delicious! With the flick of a key, I start up my car and speed out of the gas station lot.

After a few minutes of driving, my gas warning indicator was still lit. My friend pipes up from the backseat: "Did you even fill any gas up?"

*I DIDN'T*

I freaked! I pre-paid that gas -- and -- someone was probably already stealing my FREE pre-paid gas!

I frantically looked for the gas station's number on the receipt. Did I keep the receipt? I did. What's the number? Call. No answer. It was a busy gas station. Call again! The guy answers. My turn:

"Hi, how are you? I was just at your gas station. I pre-paid for some gas in pump 3. I also bought some chocolates. Two packages of Ferrero Roche. Remember me? Uhhh. Well, when I ran back to my car -- the silver Acura -- I forgot to fill my car with gas. Can you save that pump for me. I'll be back in five minutes... Please!"

Ugh! Talk about an ACKWARD and EMBARASSING conversation.

Thankfully the attendant saved my pump so I was able to claim my pre-paid gas. He even waved to me from the booth. It was one of those "Hey loser" waves -- he must've thought I was the biggest moron:

But, I managed to get my gas back! Yes!!!!!

Next, we headed to the Old Marina Restaurant. Their double-blend cheese burgers, served on fried cheese wafers were simply INCREDIBLE (and gigantic!)

The above picture does not do the burger any justice. Trust me!

Oh, the Old Marina. The place is on a private road so you won't find it on GPS. Let me know if you're interested, I'll hook you up with directions!

Holiday Pictures...

2007-12-27T23:22:00.000-05:00

Flipping through a few holiday pics; I thought this was a good shot of my uncle and I...

"And then Rabbi looked at the bartender and said..."

Tags: christmas christmas picture uncle nephew conversation discussion

Deadbeats!

2007-12-27T02:00:00.000-05:00

Like always, I sent my friend Anthony's (aka "ai") mom a Christmas card this year. The following conversation bubbled up when Anthony hijacked an email thread between our group of friends to comment on the incident:

Anthony: Shaun - my mom loved the card. "I like shaun, he knows how to go, around people." he sure does, he sure does.

Chin: fyi to all: shaun sent ai's mom a xmas card and in it, he literally called us 'bums'
Anthony: See attachment. "Those are Anthony's deadbeat friends" New quote from mom: "see what he wrote? He's cool."

Anthony also attached some Blackberry'd pictures of the card:

Above: The picture is blurry -- thanks Anth -- but my signaure reads: "(from) Shaun - not Chin, or John, or Cathy or Alexis... those are Anthony's deadbeat friends!"

This all stems back to when Anthony's mom had us over for dinner and everyone kept asking why I wasn't the victim of any of her jokes. She replied "I like Shaun. He brings me flowers. He sends me Christmas cards" -- and I responded -- "Yeah, I'm not a dead beat like this lot here..."

Too funny!

Tags: christmas card christmas cards card cards deadbeat dead beat jokes mother mom

Merry Christmas Throwback

2007-12-25T05:06:00.000-05:00

It's super early! I can't sleep. The guest room that I'm in at my parent's house is haunted (alright, it's just uncomortably warm -- Africa warm!)

With that said, here are two of my favourite old school Christmas pictures of my mom and I...

Must sleep... just a few more hours to go...

Tags: christmas christmas morning family mom mother kids santa christmas tree

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-25T00:20:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy your time with your family, friends and loved ones...

... and don't hate on my white christmas tree. Sure it's 80's. Sure it's tacky. But you know what? You like it. You love it!

Tags: merry christmas white christmas christmas noel christmas tree happy christmas family friends loved ones

Christmas Music Videos

2007-12-25T00:01:00.000-05:00

Just a a few YouTube links to a few of my favourite pop Christmas music videos. Enjoy...

Perfect Christmas - S Club 7:
*rolls eyes* Yes, I know the band is not quite cool -- but -- the song is nice so GFY

... the rest I've linked. Just click on them:

All I want for Christmas - Mariah Carey

Last Christmas - George Michael

Please come home for Christmas - Jon Bon Jovi (and frigging Cindy Crawford is just so hot in this video)

Tags: s club 7 perfect christmas jon bon jovi bon jovi please come home for christmas last christmas wham mariah carey mariah all I want for christmas christmas music music videos christmas videos

Down with mega-clubs!

2007-12-24T04:44:00.000-05:00

It's 4:30am and I'm finally in bed after a night at one of those thousand people capacity mega-clubs...

Not only did I have to pay cover (Are you kidding me? Me pay cover?), but I had to put up with a sea of young wannabe tramps, punk youths and attitude! What's with the pretentiousness from these club brats? What's to be pretentious about when you are like a student (or have some lame entry level / retail job) ride the bus and live at home? Get outta here!

I finally lost it when I was leaving cost check. A person was blocking my exit path so I tapped them gently and said "excuse me." The person looked at me and immediately turned back to talk to their friends as if I was troubling them.

Are you kidding me? I wouldn't have this. Not in this environment at least. I put two hands on their shoulders and flung them aside -- "Move b*tch, get out the way, get out the way...."

It was mildly amusing watching them and their drink fly into a crowd of nearby people. Sadly there was no retaliation. Tragic. I wanted to try out some new ninja moves that I learned in that Presidents of the United States of America video on YouTube --"millions of peaches, peaches for me!"

Oh well, another lesson taught! I should be nick named
"The teacher."

I'm too old for this stuff - I *think* I need to get married...

Love Actually: Starring the Hans Gruber?

2007-12-22T19:29:00.000-05:00

Being Christmas and all, I was finally persuaded to see that Love Actually movie:

I can see why all you women love this movie. It's cute. It's funny. It's sad. It's pretty much eight or nine chick flicks rolled into one. I won't lie though: I liked it, I liked it alot...

... however, whenever Alan Rickman -- the eurotrash terrorist leader from Die Hard -- came on screen I couldn't pay attention to anything he was saying. All that kept running through my head was this scene from Die Hard:

"Now I have a machine gun... Ho-ho-ho..." -- kind of creepy, yes, I know. But Like Love Actually, Die Hard is a fantastic Christmas Movie. Remember not this post?

Tags: love actually die hard diehard christmas now I have a gun alan rickman bruce willis eurotrash

They mostly come out at night..

2007-12-22T18:39:00.000-05:00

Last night, while leaving the bar, a freakshow-of-a-girl ran up to our group. She asked if any of us work in law-enforcement. After everyone answered no, she immediately pulled this out and sparked it:

It's a bong pipe disguised as an actually lipstick container. Ridiculous! *shakes head*

I guess she shops at the same place where Michael Vick gets his waterbottles from.

Tags: lipstick bong hidden compartment weed michael vick freakshow lip stick lipstick pipe

Being poor...

2007-12-15T07:35:00.000-05:00

Oh do I ever hate being poor! I was browsing through the top prizes for the Princess Margaret Hospital's Cash and Cars lottery and one of them is a Ferrari F-430 Coupe F1. Winners aren't announced until Thursday, but I just *might* be a winner

I think my heart just skipped a beat, here's why...

I could always sell my condo right? "Hi mom? Dad? I'm moving back home!"

Tags: ferrari f430 f430 ferrari coupe f1 cash and cars pricess maragert poverty poor lottery

Karma! Cough, Cough...

2007-12-14T15:32:00.001-05:00

So while my friends foolishly "called in sick" work to go shopping in down in the States I was in actually working away at the office -- high fever and all! Why do I have to suffer? Shouldn't they feel the wrath of Karma?

The last two nights have been hell -- but -- $100 in meds seemed to have done the trick!

Unexplainably, I found seven McDonald's hamburgers in my fridge! *gross* Was I so out of it that I don't remember going through a drive-thru? Apparently so. I have the receipt in my wallet!

Anyhow, for my dedication (and to spite my friends / teach them a lesson) hopefully Karma let me win the Princess Margaret hospital lottery!

And I don't want any $100 - $5,000. I want one of the jackpots. Big money, big money! (Who are we kidding, I'll take the $100)

Tags: karma sickday sick day sick day ill fever flu coldfx cold-fx cold fx

Weather alert!

2007-12-11T13:32:00.001-05:00

Just grabbing lunch before seeing a customer - talk about bad weather! I could swear I was sitting on a hot, sunny beach two or there days ago!

Zipping along...

2007-12-10T00:07:00.000-05:00

Aside from beaching, drinking, and sleeping last week, I did some other "fun" things. One of them included zip-lining:

Above: Me on my warm up run - gotta love how I'm point to the camera, ha!

So what's zip-lining? It's essentially being harnessed to a pulley suspended to a cable that's mounted on an incline between two high altitude points. Gravity propels the pulley to the lower point. Stopping is controlled by clamping down on the cable with use of a glove with a leather strap sewn on.

This video should give you a better feel for the sport:

Safe? Not sure, but it was totally fun! Looking forward to doing some crazy 130 foot high runs in Costa Rica later this year.

Above: Just an example of the lines we were on.

Above: It's a LONG way down. One of the guides actully tagged along on one of my runs and helped me traverse it completely upside down. Raises the heart-rate a bit, but I recommend it for everyone!

Above: After our tour through the jungle canopy we mountin biked through the jungle to this gorgeous cenote where we were able to dive in. I can't swim well, so yes, I used a life jacket. LAME, I know.

Above: I still think dune buggies through jungle roads are much more fun! Look out snakes! Smashy, smashy!

Tags: zip-line zip-lining zipline ziplining zip line zip lining cancun mexico selvatica play del carmen mayan riviera dune buggy mountain bike jungle adventure

Do you come with the phone?

2007-12-09T19:00:00.000-05:00

Can you believe I am getting grief for my mobile blogging last week?

What's the big deal?

It only takes a minute to click, type and text. It's not my fault I'm technologically advanced...

Wanna blog on the go?

The following links will show you how to do it by text-messaging (SMS) from your phone or by email from a device such as a Blackberry or Moto Q.

Speaking of phones, Nikolett Barabas (pictured above) is looking UBER hot in that new Motorola Razr 2 commercial.

Tags: mobile blogging phone blogging text blogging nikolett barabas shiny toy guns le disko motorazr2 razr2 motorola commercial

Time goes by, so slowly...

2007-12-08T22:38:00.001-05:00

Nothing worse than sitting on a runway in a plane that is inflicted with a ceased engine fuel valve.

It's so hot in here, and I'm captive. This sucks! Let me out there I'm sure I can fix it!

Looks like its going to be a long long long night...

Bye-bye beach...

2007-12-08T15:49:00.000-05:00

Just lounging around the beach waiting for my ride to the airport. Should back to the icy cold north in a few hours -- I can't wait! *sigh*

Bahamas in January anyone?

Ancient blogging...

2007-12-04T15:21:00.000-05:00

Montezuma himself would be rolling in his grave had he known my latest mobile blog post came from Chichen Itza (pictured above)

Take that ancients!!

Seriously though, it's gorgeous here...

Fun in the sun!

2007-12-01T07:32:00.000-05:00

Winter? Cold? Snow? Pass!

The above was taken while deep sea fishing between Cubanation and the Florida Keys. Today, I'm actually bailing to the Mayan Riviera for a week of relaxation.

If all goes to plan, I'll get a chance to explore the ancient ruins of Xel-Ha, Tulum and of course the fabled Chichen Itza. The National Geographic recently did a whole photospread on them, so they have to be good right?

Hopefully I'll be able to climb this pyramid...

I might do a mobile blogger update from a ceremonial tomb to spite the ancients with the ways of our future technology.

Tags: chichen itza xel-ha tulum mayan riviera mexico cancun party vacation explore ancient ruins spite technology future fishing deep sea

Bug your friends...

2007-11-30T19:13:00.000-05:00

Here's something you should do to bug your friends when you're out in a group of three or four. When your driving friend unlocks their car, have the remainder of your friends sit in the back seat -- leaving shotgun unoccupied. Your driving friend will HAVE to drive ya'll around making it look as if he/she is your chaffeur.

It's great! Think how funny your friend looks with a bunch of adults in their back seat. It made my one friend angry just last week. Sadly this picture did *NOT* capture all of the moment:

Tags: prank joke drive designated driver driver friend friends angry mad back seat

Kids these days!

2007-11-29T00:30:00.000-05:00

First of all, what the heck is this?

I booked a couple days off work this week and decided to get a head start on Christmas shopping -- I do happen to live across the street from a mega-mall ("What's up hot under paid mall girls?")

As usual, I wound up shopping for myself. But I was in desperate need of a new ball cap. Easy? Not really!

Let me tell you, it's almost impossible to buy baseball caps these days. Whatever happened to the old plain-jane baseball caps? You know the ones with the plastic strap on the back? Am I that old? Do all caps come fitted and cost $55? Apparently so.

Baseball caps no longer come in your choice of New York Yankees or Chicago White Sox but rather Rims, Bones, Dollar-Dollar-Bill-yo Signs or a combination of all three (as pictured above). And the worst part of it all? The colours included GOLD! Ugh, I'm officially old!

But... thankfully... not old enough to *not* be considered "down."

I walked into another store -- a very corporate and nationally branded store mind you -- and spotted a nice jacket. It would make the perfect present for someone on my list. I looked at the pricetag. It was on sale: $249.99

The store was empty except for a young hipster looking guy who gave me the old head nod when I walked into the store.

He was on the phone: "If you f-ing want your job your ass better make your shift tonight. Seriously guy, I don't give a care. Get - your - ass - here..."

He was the manager.

When he finshed his call he sauntered over and asked if I needed any help.

I asked if he could do something about the price, afterall he was the manager!

He quickly responded "The best I can do is no tax..."

"That's all? Can't do any better?" I smirked.

He looked around.

The store was dead.

He quickly added "... or if you pass me $100 cash we'll call it a deal!"

Yo! He was offerring to steal the coat for me for $100. Right infront of the cameras and everything. Hardcore -- well as far as retail is concerned.

Of course, I'm a law abiding citizen (not to mention old). I would have nothing to do with those sorts of shady shananigans. I paid full price, but was honoured that I was down enough to get offered a hook up from a random stranger.

I should rock my Rims, Bones and Dollar Sign cap in public more often! Talk about insta-street cred. Fancyboy Hugo Boss jacket + Gold punk cap. A match made in Heaven.

Can't stop, won't stop...

Tags: rims bones dollar sign dollar signs hat cap baseball cap new york yankees chicago white sox new york chicago yankees whitesox white sox jacket christmas shopping mall hot girls stolen hot